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 Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:25 pm
Please give comments and tips
The Wings
They came out of nowhere. They just came, plain and simple. No warning or anything they just came
It was about eight months ago when they picked me up. They pulled up in their van and drove off.
I was scared at the time. A little experiment they said, I should come out fine. My fear did nothing but get feircer at
that point, and when they strapped me to a flat bed and pushed me into a dark room with one florescent light,
I knew it would be the last light I would see.
I was wrong. I came out fine.
I tried to forget this happend. Play it off as a dream. My head didn't like that, and I geuss I didn't either.
I have been trying to find this group of people, called the "Modifiers." Pretty cliche the whole thing huh?
Yeah right. I found out about the modifeirs a couple months after they "Modfied" me. Now I know of other "Modified people"
Their my close friends now. This is my story, welcome to hell.
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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 6:59 pm
Erm, at first it seems like a poem - and then it just seems choppy. There was also a sentence that dragged slightly. In other words your sentence leangth is all wrong. It is a introduction paragraph, so adjectives aren't as well needed, but remember to put more in for the rest of your story.
I've heard arguements against this, but I find that "Pretty cliched, huh?" line very irksome. That is your choice though.
Interesting story start though.
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