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 Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:01 pm
I'm just wondering, because it seems like around here, anyone over the age of 5 is in World War 3 with their maternal figure.
I don't want to go into details right now, because I don't wanna let it get to me, but I might talk about it later if I still care.
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Posted: Sun Jun 24, 2007 11:39 pm
Sometimes my mother is overprotective.... like not wanting me to stay out after nine even though I've got a car and am an adult... but most of the time we get along great. *shrugs* We are more friends than mother-daughter really...
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 6:19 pm
Well that makes me feel a bit better 3nodding
Okay, so explination time...
My mom's been struggling with bills and stuff since.. well, before I was born. Pretty much her entire life. And to make a long story short, she called my grandmother wanting to borrow money (and by the way, my mom thinks that "havin' to ******** borrow somethin' is the most humiliating, low-down, low-life, degrading ********' thing that could happen!" so she was already ticked off..) and Nanny came over.. well, they don't get along, to make an understatement... To make a reeeaaalllyyy long story short, mom's principal screwed her out of her diploma (he let her walk across the state but didn't give her the actual diploma) because when she was a Freshman she caught him cheating on the class favorites ballots and told on him. Mom's been mad at Nanny ever since because she didn't stick up for her and make him give her the diploma, and Nanny keeps telling Mom to get a GED (which Mom also thinks is a disgraceful thing to have that was invented only for drop-outs that got knocked up and "niggers"--I hate that word but she uses it all the time--who were too lazy to make the grades and finish school), and Mom's too stubborn to get one even though "I know I should and it'd make s**t easier but goddamn it, it's not my fault, she shoulda... *insert long rant*" so Mom can't get a job that pays well and she won't leave the one she has or even look for another one.. And anyway, she and Nanny get into screaming arguments (the only time I've ever seen my grandmother raise her voice is around my mom..) every time they're alone together (me being there doesn't count), so they ended up in a screaming match while I'm laying in my room painting and trying to ignore it, and I started thinking.. My eight year old cousin hardly sees her mom and never talks about her if she's not there, she spends most of her time at my grandmother's house taking care of her when she's not at day care (where her mom works); Kristi (her mom) and her younger brother and sister have just a parasitic relationship with their mother (Kristi lives her mom's garage beside her brother --Sandra's garage has two extra storage rooms that they turned into bedrooms--and her brother's going on 19, finally got a job a few months ago but spends all his money on booze and cigarettes and gas to drive his friends around, but that just means that Sandra won't have to pay for his booze anymore.. Her going-on-15 year old daughter Haley is turning into a whore, weights very close to 100 lbs and is around 5'5", spends all her time at either her boyfriend's house, softball practice, cheerleading practice, or in her room on MSN Messenger.. And that's just my aunt's family... My uncle Rodney has a 30-something-year-old daughter that none of us have seen in about 4 or 5 years who has five kids(last time I heard), all by different men, has been married and divorced twice that I know of; and when I did see them it was only once a year on Christmas.. Rodney and her mom have been divorced since before I was born, I've never even met his ex-wife. My oldest uncle has a thirty-something-year-old daughter with four kids as far as I know... We haven't heard from them in six or seven years, and we only saw them on Christmas or when they needed a place to stay because her husband was beating her... She's been married and divorced from the same guy twice and as far as I know she's been married and divorced to some other guy once... She's been in jail quite a few times for doing drugs... There's some guy who I think is my oldest uncle's son who got one of his arms pulled off by a tractor when he was a teenager, and who--as far as I know--has had a normal, pretty happy life.. He's really quiet though, and I haven't seen him in over six years, and we only saw him and his wife and kids on Christmas anyways... One of my relatives found on the Internet that his mom died two years ago on Christmas Eve. I've never met her, she and my oldest uncle got divorced before I was born, too... Then my oldest uncle got remarried to a drugged-up b***h who steals my grandmother and great-grandmother(when she was alive)'s pain medication because she wanted drugs so bad and uses all his money to get doctors to prescribe medicine for her. She also has two kids that aren't his, who are extremely mentally screwed up because she fed them morphine and all kids of nerve depressants when they were kids to make them stop crying... And now we're on to my youngest uncle. He had two kids that're like five or seven years older than I am; he got divorced from his first wife before I was born, too... Got married to another woman when I was like two or three... They live less than an hour away and we only see or talk to them on Christmas. Both of their kids moved far far away as soon as they were old enough, I haven't seen his boy in about a year, or his girl in about five years.
There are just about no males in my family, aside from my uncles, who stay away from us. My grandfather died when my mom was like 25, my aunt's husband died five or six years ago, my mom was never married to my biological father (I've never met him) and runs off all the guys she dates, Kristi's never been married and Zana K's never met her father, and Jacob stays in his room or at work or out with friends all the time.
Plus, all my friends hate their parents or just use them to get what they want, my boyfriend has a love-hate relationship with his mother because she screws him over and they both have really bad anger problems, and his siblings are parasites on her.
So... I guess I just need a little reassurance that there are some at least halfway functional families out there...
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 8:22 pm
My mom was never bad and I can't really say she ever mistreated us. (I have two sisters) Although sometimes I felt she treated me like the evil step child in fairytales. We both think this was a subconcious thing because I was taken away from her for six months when I was a baby. It wasn't her fault I had a lot of problems as a baby, including seisures. Although I still don't understand why they took me away and not my twin sister but I can't change that. Anyway I do get along with my mother, I never really didn't get along with her. Sure we had our disagreements and our fights (it's a part of growing up) but for the most part we got along. She also gets along with her mother who gets along with my great grandmother (who is still alive). My mother now lives 500 miles away so our time together is more special than before.
I think not being close to your mother is partly because she was never close to her mother as her mother was never close to your great grandmother. Because of this they may not know how to act any other way. We hate to admit it but we learn how to interact with our children by watching our parents interact with us and their parents. It is not easy but it is possible to break this chain. It will take a lot of determination and hard work.
I suggest you try sitting down with your mother and telling her how you feel about your relationship with her and her's with your grandmother. She may not listen at first but be patient. It may even be something as simple as telling her you love and appreciate her.
If I am steping too far please forgive me and let me know so I don't do so again.
PS. my family is far from functional. My mother has been married 3 times. My biological father is in jail and my first step father was an alcholic druggie. At one point she had a boyfriend who was an a** and who's kids (at least 10 years younger than me and my sisters) were little hellians, they even stole money from me and my mother. Her current husband seem pretty decent though.
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Posted: Mon Jun 25, 2007 10:42 pm
Wow.. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this...
My family isnt' that disfunctional, but it's still got plently of issues... I don't know of a single family that dosen't...
*hugs* I hope things get better!
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:20 pm
wiw,...and i thought i had problems with my family..
well. in my family.. we cant get along with each other period.
my aunts and uncles work all day so i have practically raised my cousins on my own since they were born (( heck it's been though)
as my mother and i..
well..
we cant be in the same room for more than 3 seconds because we start arguing about anything ((last time she started yelling at me because her car had no gas, and i was like "wtf?")) so yea...my relationship whit my mother isn't the best
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:03 pm
Yeah, I know that all families have some kinda problems, and that's why I always feel bad talking about my family's situations, but sometimes it just gets to me...
Well, I've tried sitting down to talk to her. When I was a little kid I used to beg her over and over to quit smoking, showed her how yellow the walls were because of her cigarettes, but I gave up when she wouldn't budge on any of the problems.. (Spending all our money on beer, having people over at all hours so I couldn't sleep, things like that... She doesn't spend money on beer and stuff anymore because all her money goes to the two packs of cigarettes a day, lottery tickets, and energy drinks) She's never listened to me or anyone else about anything; she just gets all defensive and starts screaming and eventually crying, even though I haven't done anything wrong. So I eventually gave up and keep my mouth shut now. I only have a year to go before I can move out, and it'll be easier to tolerate her then.
Yeah; I know how the chain reaction stuff works... My grandmother was the only child because her mother had been pregnant six times and all the babies either miscarried or died within a month, and Nanny ended up having five kids, and mom worked from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. building roads from the time I was 2 to eight; so no one in my family has ever really been able to have a good relationship.. My mother and her sister were forced to do all the house work and cooking and stuff, and she vowed to not let that happen again, and the opposite happened... I never got to clean or cook until I was 15. She screamed at me when I cleaned or cooked something because "I wasn't doing it right" but she wouldn't teach me because she didn't want me to have to do it.
You're not stepping too far, Ayla, I've thought about all that myself and it's great advice; but good advice doesn't always work out stressed
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:09 pm
Shinys Wow.. I'm sorry you have to go through all of this... My family isnt' that disfunctional, but it's still got plently of issues... I don't know of a single family that dosen't... *hugs* I hope things get better!
And I'm not really going through it; it's been a fact of life since I was born. My mom was married twice; the first guy got killed by the cops a year and a half after they got married; the second guy was a fling who had two kids she couldn't stand and she pretty much only married him because they were in the same band and he had a lot of money. They got divorced after three years.. she's had countless boyfriends and flings.. She's had a really crappy life and she won't do anything to change it, so I just don't care anymore.
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 5:11 pm
Minako Blackrose wiw,...and i thought i had problems with my family.. well. in my family.. we cant get along with each other period. my aunts and uncles work all day so i have practically raised my cousins on my own since they were born (( heck it's been though) as my mother and i.. well.. we cant be in the same room for more than 3 seconds because we start arguing about anything ((last time she started yelling at me because her car had no gas, and i was like "wtf?")) so yea...my relationship whit my mother isn't the best
Aww *hugs* My mom's like that too.. Randomly yelling at me for tons of irrelevant things. Gets annoying.
But her car would never go out of gas, because she borrows gas money from me every week just about.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:40 pm
*sticks hand up* I do biggrin
We get along great. Sometimes she gets mad at me, but mostly the problem here is my stepdad.
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Posted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 6:41 pm
My mom and I have a good relationship. she's over bearing a little bit and is nagging but hey, all mothers are to some degree.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 11:21 am
well i have a great relationship with my mom, the best of anyone save my brother, but i would never tell her im wiccan, she'd have me exorcised and kick me out of the house, for starters, all while ripping me a new one at a very high volume.
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Posted: Thu Nov 15, 2007 7:23 pm
In addition to my previous post: I loe my mom to bits but she dosen't know that yes, i AM a capable human being who knows how to drive and yes i CAN handle critical situations!
yeah,, she's got me a little irritated right now. Thnks for the guilt trip mom.
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Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 4:45 pm
Mothers have problems looking at their children as adults it seems. I was up this morning early and hadn't slept very well, and my mother had a fit about the highchair not being spotless, even though I was working on cleaning it before I put Cas in to eat, she snatched it away and started yelling about how "Maybe that's why he's sick, because you don't clean things" and "How about you start eating from dirty plates and see how you like it." Regardless of the fact that I was working on cleaning it before I put him in there. I figure it's better to clean it before I use it...
And the other day I was cleaning his room and she pulled the same s**t about him being sick because his room was a mess. It's not like he has food in his room, or anything.
I was tired and didn't feel like arguing right then, so I just waited until she was done ranting and cleaning and fed my son. Then she was trying to figure out why I wasn't happy... A. She's being ridiculous, and B. It was early in the morning, and I and I am NOT a morning person. So then she tried to tickle me, as if I am five and that makes it all better.
Wow, that turned into a bit of a rant...
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Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 7:09 pm
Yeah, guess you're right... OH! Happy B-day to Cas in advance!
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