This year, Ive met so many people, ventured away from that little shell and made more friends then I ever could have dreamt I would have. I find myself constantly waving, and smiling. Though not good enough, I find myself not having the time for everyone. Then someone gets left behind, and even when Im surrounded by people. Talking, laughing, theres some sort of empty space that doesn’t seem to want to be filled. No matter how hard I look, no matter how many people I befriend, I still feel like something is missing I still feel so alone.
Is it wrong, to think that you have all these people who care about you, and the realize that you really have no feelings for them in return? Their just there, being used for your own selfish want to get rid of the missing thing. I wouldn’t care if they died tomorrow, I wouldn’t remember their names a year later. I would be the person at their funeral who just blankly stares off, trying to find some feeling of remorse and not succeeding in any shape or form.
For a while I thought I found, the one who could take the lonely feeling away, but Ive come to realize that I have no real emotional attachment to them either or that I might have had some at one point and it slowly faded away. What exactly did I do wrong, what did I overlook, and what am I really looking for. Ive come to terms with the fact that it isn’t love. I hate not knowing. I hate hurting the ones who care about me. I hate being with them, and being without them. Ive decided its like a drug. I enjoy being with someone for a while, and then I slowly grow bored of them, and seek out something new, something stronger. That one person from before, I think what made me like them, was their ability to keep me interested for such a long period of time, and now that my interest in them has died. . .Im lost again. . .
~Box
Defective Box · Sat May 12, 2007 @ 06:31pm · 0 Comments |