|
|
|
Well, I think I completely screwed over. On my friend's birthday, which was last Thursday, we went and saw a play that another one of my friends was in. During the play, I was being pretty much: a b***h, and then, during the Intermission, I went into panic mode because I am chlostrophobic(I know I did not spell that right), and I ran out of the building then collapsed. Then the next day, Friday, my friend held a birthday party and I got jealous of her, which made me angry at myself. And then, on top of that, we got into a political debat and that is not a good thing, because I am a straight conservative Republican, and all my friends are pretty much Leftists(stupid Liberalists *grumble grumble*). I finally started going in to a rage and I knew I had to let it out, so I went outside and started punching and kicking the fence( I paid for that. I now have a huge bruise across two, almost three of my fingers). Then I broke down and started crying. Well, I am pretty sure that my friend's family never wants me over at their house again. But now I have to go see a counselor, which I know I do NOT want to do, but my parents, friends, and friends' parents are insisting that I do, and it is not like I have much choice because my parents still control my life. scream scream Anyway, so now I am in a very foul and angry mood and I have been trying to keep it down to the bare minumum. Oh, and I think I might have figured out what might be bothering me! It is the sense of being left. When I was 7, a guy friend I cared very much for died, and I was very sad for many years(it still haunts me to this day), and then, in seventh grade, I had another strange episode like the one I am having now, except that I was not having panic attacks. I actually tried killing myself in various ways ranging from slitting my wrist, drowning myself(which really does not work), stabbing myself in the hear, throat and stomach, and burning myself to death. Well, those things did not work. And the reason I was doing that, I think, was because my dad left for active duty in Iraq and I felt alone because my dad was my favorite person in my life. And now, I feel as if the person I love, my best friend, is leaving me because I told her that I love her(as in bf/gf love). It makes sense, even if I am having different symptoms each time. What do you guys think? Could this be the reason?
Lady_Esmerel · Mon Apr 18, 2005 @ 05:57am · 1 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|