I walk through this world with a troubled soul, Tears of anger and pain go through my eyes. The pain of Suffering bursts through this pain filled heart and spreads though my body like a infection about to kill me. The voice of "them" screaming, hurting my heart more and making me think 'Why do i live? Why must i live in pain and suffering? But none the less why is my life so turbulent? Like a wave of the ocean bursting in my skin crashing my dreams and pinning me down to where i am nothing. One one side of my heart is the love of a man who completely takin my heart, and on the other is the one i call "Family" who is shredding my love for everyone one by one and fear is consuming me and the thought of losing the man i hold dear would mean death coming upon me. This sorrowed girl, This life no thrills and the scars of emotion on her wrists and legs along with the burned memories of father and the cause of the suffering within my mouth. Afraid to let The one i hold so close into my life fully i close him off as well as the ones i call "friends" and fall into a eternal sleep and dream of happiness that will never be and smile as my life slowly disburses into nothing as the air around me becomes bittersweet and suffocates me into a panic off pain. In my mind i wonder what others think about me as i walk though this vast world. The snow falls upon my frozen body finning my blood with frost bite and the tears that fall freeze on my face. I look at my wrist as the red thick water pours from my veins and my vision blurred as i fall to my knees then to my stomach and feel the pure snow turn tainted like a poison filling one on death row and slowly stops the beating of there heart. My eyes shut as the one who love me more then no other knees to me and lifts my body from the ground. he bleeding stops. The pain in my heart died from the tears of his eyes fall upon myself. I awake from my Winter rest and smile at his and watch as he smiles back and kisses my lips and his warmth fills my cold and i awaken fully as he prys open the wall i built around my heart and feel the wall rebuild as i let him and him only in. my winter rest is over and spring comes. Spring... The time of the blooming of flowers and renewed life everywhere. My heart filled with him is warm like the air around me. The medicine in my body trying to make me "happy". But how can it make me happy when i am already for i have "him"? Spring passes then goes to summer. Summer... Like the heat beating down upon your skin Dying it a dark red like the blood that re-appers on my arm. The blood... I watch as it drips off my the sides of my wrist and into the dirt. 'The dirt is already tainted... No pureness comes from the dirt...` i thought as i cry tears as hot as water on a boiler fresh of the stove. Being in pain... again.... after letting him in i thought i was happy... No i am happy i just feel this way cause no one else around me cares about me. I am treated as the black sheep that cries as it is led to a different pin to sleep then the white sheep's. They dont care what becomes of me. If i live or die. It dont matter to them. When i die who will show to my wake? people that think they love me? But how can they love someone they dont even know? The thoughts race through my mind as i walk to the one i love and show him the pained wrists i have. the bleeding wont stop, it keeps flowing from the cuts and this time i know i die as i fall into his arms and walk away from my body. I hear him scream 'Dont leave me here!!` and i whisper 'im here darling, dont cry because im gone. Be happy and rejoice for i have left my pain. Never forget what it was to love me. never forget my lips amongst yours. For i will follow you where ever you go and be a real Angel for you.` I watch him as he slowly nods and smiles a faint but there kind of smile. The seasons change once more after the fall as it goes straight back to the beginning. Winter rest falls upon my tomb stone. He is there at my grave and i know for sure he can feel my hand on his for he is talking sweetly and grasping my hand. I feel his hand but when its another's i cant even touch them. It starts raining. Faster and faster the sky cry's and renews the grass under our feet. My wings spread and keep him dry. We stand there more as i listen to him talk a little more 'my darling girl, i miss you so much. Im here without you and am waiting to reunite with you once more.` As the smile on my angelic face grows as my eyes shut i say a little poem called WINTER REST.
Karushiki domeki · Thu Aug 09, 2007 @ 06:45am · 0 Comments |