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So let's start off with my parents.
My mother was an artist.. She lived in England for quite a while and moved back to Finland and met my Father.. She was a happy young lady, artistic, a child of the nature.
My father.. He was a bad boy. Been smoking since 7-years old..
In trouble..Drugs.. Prison.. The not-so-ideal-man.
They dated for a while.. and when my mother was 23-years old and my father 20, they had me. Soon after,6 months, they broke up and my father was sent to prison.
Here are my parents;
When I was 3-years old I started asking about my "daddy" from my mom.
We walked by the prison building.. and my mom said "You're daddy goes to.. school here. He'll be there for quite a while." And I lived and believed in it.
I was a loved child.. I just didn't spend so much time with my mom because she had to work really hard to provide me a good life.. But I was constantly babysitted by someone.. a family member who would talk s**t about her to me.
Ápprox. 3- 4-years old;
Then by the time I was 6-7-years old.. I had met my father only once.. And I didn't even remember what he looked like.. And children at school started asking me about him.. I told them he was dead. I had a crazy imagination and I would tell the most outrageous stories.. But isn't that what imaginative children usually do?
So the others stopped liking me.. and they didn't want to "play" with me because I was "stupid" and "crazy" just because I had told funny stories.
So then began the hating, calling names, descriminating and despising.
I must have had about 7 friends.. and 4 of them were out of school.
And this was very wierd because I was very popular in gindergarten.
But the most awful thing about it was that no-one would do anything.
My mom was furious because the children did horrible things to me and I came home crying every single day. The teachers and the principal told her that the other children on my class were all very nice and wouldn't do anything to me.
Kindergarten;
School;
Then my father came in the picture.
I started visiting him on regular bases..
He had a new family already..
He had married a woman named Marianne who had 3 boys already.
Sebastian, Benjamin and Nicholas, I took them as family like I still do.
They were all older than me, but they were the friends I needed.
I've always had a better relationship with Sebastian for some reason.
We would play with barbies and ponies with him.. We even bathed together. xD
Sebastian, Benjamin and I would always do tricks and we were always plotting a new trick.
I suppose that gave my imagination even a bigger boost. So other children would hate me even more.. But now I had these 3 boys as a home base.
I knew I would always trust them.
Benjamin and I;
Well the mocking and all that still happen today..
And still it's sometimes because of the things I said and did "on FIRST grade"
I mean.. There can't be that much fault in me because other people accept me the way I am.. Just not my classmates. o-o
So when I was 11-years old.. I sort of had an eating disorder, bulimia.
Yes because of my classmates.. I would throw up just thinking that if I'll be very skinny I'll be accepted.. But soon after a while I realised it wouldn't make people like me more..
And I had had mental issues for about 2-years by then.. And I was going to a psychiatrist 3 times a week.. It was devastating.
It didn't help because half of the time I couldn't talk about the things that really bothered me.. And sometimes just looking into the psychiatrists eyes made me sick.. There she was staring at me and waiting for an answer..
But she never got one..
10-11 years old;
And those two little boys, Romeo and Ramses.. They're my biological little brothers.
I seriously wish they won't have to go through the whole daddy issue.
I want to protect those two precious little boys from being harmed by my own father.
I want to be an awesome big sister to them.
And words can't describe how much I love them.
But right now.. My father is on free foot..
and has been doing horrid things for these past 2 months.
So I really can't visit my "other family".
I'm constantly in fear, that my father will break into their house and do something to my five "brothers" and my step-mom Marianne.
Hopefully it'll get better soon.
But as for my personal life.. I'm in better health mentally and physically.
I'm starting over in a new school in Autumn..
And I suppose when my father is in prison again.. things will get better. :]
Me today;
People I look up to;
My mom, Sari. <3
My auntie, Elizabeth. <3
My godmother?, Ulriikka. <3
Daniel and Samuel, my cousins. The two tallest boys in the picture. <3
And also my step-mom Marianne. I have no pictures of us. :/
I will make an updated one sometime.
---
So let's start off with my parents.
My mother was an artist.. She lived in England for quite a while and moved back to Finland and met my Father.. She was a happy young lady, artistic, a child of the nature.
My father.. He was a bad boy. Been smoking since 7-years old..
In trouble..Drugs.. Prison.. The not-so-ideal-man.
They dated for a while.. and when my mother was 23-years old and my father 20, they had me. Soon after,6 months, they broke up and my father was sent to prison.
Here are my parents;
When I was 3-years old I started asking about my "daddy" from my mom.
We walked by the prison building.. and my mom said "You're daddy goes to.. school here. He'll be there for quite a while." And I lived and believed in it.
I was a loved child.. I just didn't spend so much time with my mom because she had to work really hard to provide me a good life.. But I was constantly babysitted by someone.. a family member who would talk s**t about her to me.
Ápprox. 3- 4-years old;
Then by the time I was 6-7-years old.. I had met my father only once.. And I didn't even remember what he looked like.. And children at school started asking me about him.. I told them he was dead. I had a crazy imagination and I would tell the most outrageous stories.. But isn't that what imaginative children usually do?
So the others stopped liking me.. and they didn't want to "play" with me because I was "stupid" and "crazy" just because I had told funny stories.
So then began the hating, calling names, descriminating and despising.
I must have had about 7 friends.. and 4 of them were out of school.
And this was very wierd because I was very popular in gindergarten.
But the most awful thing about it was that no-one would do anything.
My mom was furious because the children did horrible things to me and I came home crying every single day. The teachers and the principal told her that the other children on my class were all very nice and wouldn't do anything to me.
Kindergarten;
School;
Then my father came in the picture.
I started visiting him on regular bases..
He had a new family already..
He had married a woman named Marianne who had 3 boys already.
Sebastian, Benjamin and Nicholas, I took them as family like I still do.
They were all older than me, but they were the friends I needed.
I've always had a better relationship with Sebastian for some reason.
We would play with barbies and ponies with him.. We even bathed together. xD
Sebastian, Benjamin and I would always do tricks and we were always plotting a new trick.
I suppose that gave my imagination even a bigger boost. So other children would hate me even more.. But now I had these 3 boys as a home base.
I knew I would always trust them.
Benjamin and I;
Well the mocking and all that still happen today..
And still it's sometimes because of the things I said and did "on FIRST grade"
I mean.. There can't be that much fault in me because other people accept me the way I am.. Just not my classmates. o-o
So when I was 11-years old.. I sort of had an eating disorder, bulimia.
Yes because of my classmates.. I would throw up just thinking that if I'll be very skinny I'll be accepted.. But soon after a while I realised it wouldn't make people like me more..
And I had had mental issues for about 2-years by then.. And I was going to a psychiatrist 3 times a week.. It was devastating.
It didn't help because half of the time I couldn't talk about the things that really bothered me.. And sometimes just looking into the psychiatrists eyes made me sick.. There she was staring at me and waiting for an answer..
But she never got one..
10-11 years old;
And those two little boys, Romeo and Ramses.. They're my biological little brothers.
I seriously wish they won't have to go through the whole daddy issue.
I want to protect those two precious little boys from being harmed by my own father.
I want to be an awesome big sister to them.
And words can't describe how much I love them.
But right now.. My father is on free foot..
and has been doing horrid things for these past 2 months.
So I really can't visit my "other family".
I'm constantly in fear, that my father will break into their house and do something to my five "brothers" and my step-mom Marianne.
Hopefully it'll get better soon.
But as for my personal life.. I'm in better health mentally and physically.
I'm starting over in a new school in Autumn..
And I suppose when my father is in prison again.. things will get better. :]
Me today;
People I look up to;
My mom, Sari. <3
My auntie, Elizabeth. <3
My godmother?, Ulriikka. <3
Daniel and Samuel, my cousins. The two tallest boys in the picture. <3
And also my step-mom Marianne. I have no pictures of us. :/
I will make an updated one sometime.
---
