<center>I don't write much in here. Not serious stuff at least. I guess this isn't too serious though. I'm just extremely sad and I don't feel like putting this in my normal journal.
Lately I've been thinking about a friend who was very very close to me. We spent a lot of time chatting online and on the phone, sharing pictures and watching each other through web cam. I told him that one day we're going to meet either it be me in Germany or him amazingly in the States. Now, I am going to Germany even though it will not be for long.
It seems we had a fallout though, a fall out that had nothing to do with my actions. He found someone that filled him with the joy I was filling him with. After this finding, he left me. He no longer talked to me or bothered to at least write an email. I went on for quite some time not knowing of this girl. I kept wondering if he was alright for he wasn't on for a very long time and he wasn't picking up his phone.
Now I have been left behind. It is as if I never existed in his life. I put a lot of trust into him and I cared for him. No, we were not a couple, but extremely close friends. This friendship died though because of something better he found.
When I found out I was going to Germany for a couple hours, my thoughts have been filled with this friend. These thoughts soon melted its way to my dreams.
The dream started out with my friends and myself in a black expedition or something close to the sort. Why were in cars and why were we outside I do not know. I put my luggaged on the coveyer belt and stood by the car, wondering what I would do pass the time away. My friends were still in the car so they wouldn't get cold (don't ask me why it was snowing, it was jsut a dream). As I turned to look around, I saw a boy coming. My heart pounded as he came closer. Could it be? Could it be Sebastian? A smile came across my face and his. It was... this had to be Sebastian. We talked, my friends came out and his friends showed up too and we all talked. And then the girl came and they went behind the car to talk. I acted as if I was very happy for him, I was actually but... A lot of things passed that I think are as pointless as most of the things I've already stated about the dream. To the point that I believe I will always remember in my mind. The point that filled me with great sorrow, anguish and pain. A boy, slightly taller than the rest walked up to me after all his friends were already on their way. He gave me a hug and I hugged him back and, still not quite sure for it didn't seemed right, I asked him, which one is Sebastian? And he whispered into my ear, I am... Tears instantly filled my eyes and a great longing filled my soul as I hugged him tight, never wanting to let go. Why did you leave me? Why won't you talk to me? I've wanted to talk to you.. You left me. You hurt me. These words tumbled out of my mouth as the tears began to fall from my eyes, soaking his shirt. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me tight.
I then woke up right after that, crying and curled up feeling very hurt.
My emo rant.
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Rocza
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Rocza
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