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Alright, aside from my deep depression, I think I want to break up with my boyfriend. It's just not working out, and when I try to talk about how I feel, I feel like my words go in one ear and out the other. I feel like I'm the dude in the relationship and he's the chick. I mean, what the ******** kinda relationship is that? I give and give and give, but I don't get anything in return. Something just says to dump him, and my "somethings" usually turn out to be right.
I don't know, it's just, I was daydreaming about him and me in the future, already married with two kids. Then this "daydream" turned into more like a vision, and I could sense and see that I was miserable.
I think we just weren't made for each other, but I don't know how to tell him. All day today, I tried to get the words across, but I just couldn't do it. I want him to stop touching me all the time. I feel like our relationship is on a foundation of lust. I want to do a complete seperation where we date other people to see how we truly feel about each other.
Don't get me wrong, he's a really sweet guy, but.........I don't know, he's just........not for me. I don't feel like I'm happy with him. I want to be friends. For a while, at least.
I went into school this morning and saw him standing by my locker. I wanted him to immediately disappear and leave me alone, so I tried ignoring him. But he followed me to class, behind me, even if he was late to his class. It was sweet, but I just wanted to be alone, away from him.
I tried starting a million letters throughout the day to him, telling what was wrong, but each time, I started crying me eyes out and couldn't think straight. Finally, I wrote him one, but it just asked what was going on and s**t. Nothing about wanting to break up or anything.
He wrote me a note, too. He could tell there was something up. He said if it was about him, then he'd listen. But that's a lie. I've tried to get him to listen before, but he never did. If I would've written the note, he would have read it and never responded. He's done that countless times before, and each time he does it, it makes me feel like he doesn't care.
When he's away from me, though, I feel really empty- moreso than usual. But when he's around me, I want him away from me. Why is that?
I think we should spend some time away from each other. More than just summer break. I love being with him and all, but whenever we're together, we can't keep our hands off of each other.
I love him, don't get me wrong, but it's the wrong KIND of love. At least I think so.


To Yami I've decided not to change my hairstyle. Not because that's what you say, but because it was a spur-of-the-moment kinda deal. I'm still going to grow it out.

To Scratchy Yeah, Ginger's my dog. Best dog in the world.