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this is actually part 9 and 10, but who cares...

Chapter 9: I Care...

Jack made a mad dash through the crack in the oak door and began running for the beanstalk making very good time for someone having such a mutilated ankle. Due to the fact that the door was so heavy, and the fact that the giant had such tiny bureaucratic arms, Jack had just enough time to make a small cut in the beanstalk large enough for him to hop into the Phloem and raced along with the Translocation toward the earth below. Upon reaching the bottom, Jack pivoted around a very large Root Hair and sprinted the 100 yards to his home. His mother was shocked to see him, shocked to see the treasures he had brought back with him, but mostly shocked to see him do that much physical activity. She was so proud of him, but before she could do anything, Jack blurted out, “Hurry mom! Take this gold and magical flute inside, then bring out an ax. We need to bring that beanstalk down!”

Several moments later, Jack arrived at the base of the beanstalk with his mother’s ax. The Scientists and Lieutenant DESTRUCTO looked at him quizzically as he began to raise the blunt instrument.
“Hold on there son,” one of the scientists began, “This beanstalk is government property and you can’t just go around chopping it down when ever you feel like it!”
“But sir!” Jack replied, “The physical embodiment of all bureaucracy is on its way down here right now!” Jack pointed upward and it became very clear that a giant, now drenched and probably feeling very humid from all the Transpiration coming of the enormous leaves, was making its way down the beanstalk.
“Knock yourself out kid.” The scientist said after a startled pause. He then began commanding the other authorities to begin driving back the crowd of people that had gathered around the beanstalk. Jack then began to swing for all he was worth.
“Anyone ever tell you that you swing an ax like a girl?” The Lieutenant asked.
Jack set the ax down and looked mournfully at the extremely thick beanstalk in front of him, then at the giant, then at the crowd of people counting on him, then suddenly at the dirt as he was forcibly shoved to it by the Lieutenant.
“Forget the ax boy! We need to call in an air strike!”