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Well. First Journal Post!!!
How about I write something? Yeah? Alright... Here goes...
About a year ago was the first time i ever really saw him. About a year ago was when i realized no one else would ever come close to what i saw in him. Through the year he was always taken, or had a crush on some other girl, a girl that was never me. I knew he saw me as nothing more then a friend, and i accepted it. I know you can not make someone feel something they don't. But every day i would try to learn some thing new about him. I would listen to him and even watch him when he wasn't looking. I learned what he liked, what he didn't, things lots of people wouldn't have noticed, but i did. I knew the moment he came through the door what kind of day he was having. And if i could not tell what kind of day he was having then, I could for sure when he sat down. I knew his smile, his eyes, his hair, his hands, his hand writing, everything. I learned all this just by watching and remembering. I knew what kind of music he liked, and i knew what his laugh sounded like. Over the year, i learned who he was, and i was constantly wanting to learn more about him. Something intrigued me about him. For the first time in my life i really got to know the emotion called jealousy. I am not a jealous person, but i got jealous of every girl's name he ever mentioned. I had never felt that before, not even with past boy friends. I would hear about things going bad with a girl he was with and secretly it would make me happy, although i would act sympathetic.
Toward the end of the year was a school dance. The dance that everyone seems to go crazy over. My Senior Prom. I had been pondering asking him, but dismissed the idea for the most part. One day he and I were playing hang man. On the spur of the moment, I marked the spaces on the page to spell out: "Would you go to prom with me." and after three letters he told me "Yes." Firstly i could not believe i got the guts to ask, and secondly I could not believe he'd said yes. Thing seemed to look up after that. Until after the dance. Things took a turn for the worst after that. He pulled away as quick as someone would pull their hand away from a hot stove top. And when i told him one day I liked him as more then just a friend, i figured at that point that I knew his answer by his actions but had to say something any way. He then told me he did not see me as any more then a friend, the exact answer i was expecting. After that what ever kind of relationship we had basically went to hell.
Fortunately for me, that summer he got a girl friend. I shoved him to the back of my head and found myself a mediocre boy friend. Suddenly one day about half way through my first semester of college, when things were slightly hectic, and when my relationship with my mediocre boy friend was falling to pieces faster then i ever thought it would, he talked to me again. He explained how his girl friend was breaking up with him, and i sighed as i listened to him. I thought to myself, "how could anyone pull away from you? do they not see how lucky they are?" I listened to him and as i listened i slowly realized just how crappy my relationship with my mediocre boyfriend was. And when i told him about said boy friend he seemed to want to point out that he was not treating me right. One day i told him how jealous i was, how jealous i'd always been. He told me that i could do so much better then the boy friend i had then. He told me he would make a better boy friend.
Lets just say that was the point i realized that i deserved so much better then what i had, and that the person who could give me what i deserved had finally realized that he could and that he wanted to. Our first kiss made me forget how to breathe. And every kiss since then has done the same. I am addicted to him. I need him. No day will ever be a good day if he is not in it. I am addicted to him, i must make that clear. I am not addicted to his kiss, to his touch, but to who he is, to who i am when i am with him, to who i can be when i am with him, to how accepted i am when i am with him, to how safe i feel when i am with him, the security, the fullness i feel inside when he's around. I need him like i need air, like i need water, like i need good books, like i need music. He has this ability to make everything i am worried about, everything i am stressing about, everything thats bothering me, melt away to nothing. I don't want to know what its like without him now and I don't want to remember what it was like with out him. Every day with him is amazing. I am the luckiest girl in the world, and if you can not see that, then you are blind. I have never been so happy, and i truly, whole heartedly believe that. No. I know that.
To be continued i suppose... since i dont know where to go from here, cause it hasnt happened yet....
i hope you dont feel like ive wasted your time.
thank you for reading.
Signing Off...
-Nessa-
 KissOfaRose270 · Thu Dec 13, 2007 @ 08:24am · 1 Comments |
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