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I never thought that this where I'll be. It's not a bad thing, but it's different. Alot of change has happened, some good and some bad. I lost one of my best friends, although I gained a soon-to-be fiancee'. My life has taken turns, running through dark obstacles and emotional pulls. Many tears have been shed, but so have smiles.
I feel like I have lost my family; I think I lost them a long time ago. The only person still by my side is my grandmother. She has been there forever, still is there.
Most of my dreams are crushed, horse back riding especially. Due to an extensive back injury, I cannot pursue my dream. I have lost all fatherly figures in my life, except my new dad figure: Dewayne. With my grandparents divorce, I take the blame upon myself. I have tried to rekindle the relationship between my grandfather and I, it has proven useless. I am content where I am, happy with the man I love, but there is still a hole that needs filled. That hole will never be filled, I have decided. I have already seen that and figured it out. It has nothing to do with the love of my life, more so my family. That hole has been there for years.
I will never understand why God does this to us? I really won't. All I can do is rely on him and his reasoning. The obstacles before me are rough and dark; whether I will make it..I am unsure. There are three facts in my life though, that I know will be there to help me. My grandmother is my light, willing to help me whenever I need it. She will never abandon me, nor will she ever stop loving me. Kaleb, the love of my life, has been there for me. Sometimes he may not be the easiest person to talk to, but he is still there and still loves me. After all the hell I have put him through, he has managed to still love me with all his heart. Without him, the hole in my heart would be much bigger and the wounds would still be un-mended. Then there is God and my friends. I may not be a very devoted Christian, but I try. I know God is there and I know he has purpose for me. I am yet to find that purpose, but I know it is there. I love him and trust him; even if some of the things he puts me through seem impossible. As for my friends, I have Kayleigh. Mary may have left, but she seemed to not be as true as I thought. Kayleigh, even after all the hell and emotional torture I have put her through..she is still there. She is my light as well. She listens and helps me in my darkest of hours. She trusts me and relies on me; she truely is my best friend forever.
There are the good times and there are the bad times. As much as I dread the bad times, I get through them. I know more are to come, but I also know more good is to come too. I have to keep my head high and with the help of the people in my lfe..I can do it. Right now, I need those people the most. This is one obstacle that will be overcome, I know it will.
 xx sassy OTTB cowgirl xx · Fri Jan 18, 2008 @ 07:57pm · 0 Comments |
