This maybe my last entry. I'm thinking about quiting Gaia. Its starting to get old for me. Sitting and waiting for people to reply to me and when they do reply they take forever to reply again. I'm thinking about quiting Gaia because I have things that I need to do. I need to remember my lines for a few plays that I'm doing. I should be in two or maybe even three play by the end of this school year. I'm think about getting some vocal lessons. And after that I want to get some guitar lessons. I know that this is pointless. I'm just filling up my time with stuff. I have no one to spend my time with so I'm just filling up my life with random crap. I have like what? Three good friends. And all three of them live in different states. My parents said that I could just drop over dead. My mom said that I was a mistake and that I don't deserve the life I have. My dad........ Well, I don't even know my dad. I blame myself for that. Maybe if I wasn't born my real parents would still be together. My mom gets angry at me because he left her. My mom's boyfriend (the guy I call my dad) says that I'm always wrong. He says that I make him proud but I think he says that so I can keep trying and so I can stay out of his way. When I was little my life was great, but as I got older it got worse. As I got older my mom started to work at a bar. She meet a hell of a lot of men there. And she kind of left me behind in their dust. I started to quit trying, I quit trying to be my moms favorite person. I stopped trying to be the best at everything I do. I quit doing my homework, I quit skating, I quit playing sports, I quit swimming, and I quit music. I pretty much quit my life. And I just wanted to barely make it by. I just to have loads of friends, but they all slowly went away. I didn't make any sports teams because my mom wouldn't let me play. So as the years passed I got into Middle School and High School. My teachers acted like parents, they gave me money to get lunch at times and they told me that I didn't have to pay them back. They just wanted me to get back to where I as when I was little. They wanted me to play sports and get into music again. And this year ((or my freshmen year in High School)) I picked up singing. I have a few people that I say I'm alright. And the drama teacher at my school and one of his best students kind of forced me into singing in a few musicals. So after that I got into theater and so far it looks like thats going to take up the rest of my life.
And this is the PM I sent her.
I've been doing some thinking and your one person that I know that will actually listen to me. After we broke up I wanted to get back with you, but I didn't want to say it. But now I know that you're going out with someone else right now. I think this is good for me right now. I think I need time to myself. I might have made you feel weird, and if I did I'm sorry. I'm also sorry, because I was to stupid and hard-headed. You were right, and I was wrong. You called me mean and to you I was. At first I was a really nice guy, and then after we got together I started to become mean and I became an a*****e. I'm sorry for that, I'm not going to be right all the time anymore. Its really hard to be right all the time. And when you are right all the time, everyone counts on you to be right. I hope your happy with this new guy your with. I hope he does what I never could do. I hope he's there with you now, so he can hold you in his arms like I never could. I just hope your happy. Right now, I'm about to cry while I'm writing this. But this is good for me. I just it good for me to feel human. And because I've been feeling human lately I must thank you. I used to think I was God. I used to believe that Man is what me makes. So I thought I was God, so I could never get hurt. But I learned by knowing you that being human hurts less because you can actually feel stuff around you. So I want to thank you for that. I couldn't bring myself to say that I was wrong all along, but it turns out that in life thats where I keep on going wrong. I try so hard to be prefect, but you loved me for what was not prefect in me. In my life you were the best thing that happened to me. I cry and I smile when I listen to AeroSmith's "I don't want to miss a thing." I cry and smile because it makes me think of you. I also think about what I did wrong and other things like that. I was think about trying to win you back, but then I told myself "No". This is good for me. I'm feeling more human after you broke-up with me. So I must thank you again. I love you, I guess we might talk again. But we don't have to talk again. But just remember that I will never forget you. Just please don't forget about me. Please don't forget me. I'll know that this worked if you haven't forgotten me.
 Our Seven Deadly Sins · Sun Mar 02, 2008 @ 10:30pm · 1 Comments |
