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[the Blue team has agreed to send their Medic over as a hostage] Church: OK. We're gonna send over our Medic. Now, what do we get? Simmons: You? You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule! Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: [being possessed by Church] Huagahguhgerk! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grif: Hey thanks kiss a**, if I want to take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned, burned dude, burned. Simmons: Shut up, your armor's pink. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Frank DuFresne: Besides, I'm not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt Church: Huh... I see [Church point his gun at Caboose and then fires] Caboose: Owwwww! My Foot! Church: Well, It looks like Caboose has hurt himself... Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc. Frank DuFresne: You know, you could have just asked nicely. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: I only drink the blood of my *enemies*.. and occasionally a strawberry Yoo Hoo. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church: How's it going, Tucker? We get any useful information out of the prisoner yet? Tucker: I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything. Except a list of crockpot recipes. Would that be "useful'? Church: Do we *have* a crockpot? Tucker: No, Caboose had a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a "Mystery Box'. Church: What was in the "Mystery Box'? Tucker: One hundred forty jars of mayonnaise. [sarcastically] Church: Well, *that's* a good trade. [not picking up on it] Tucker: Yeah, it doubles as a great sunscreen! Church: How did you... never mind. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Caboose is "interrogating" Donut] Caboose: This is fun! Okay, okay, your turn! Truth or dare? Donut: Hmm... truth! Caboose: Ok... tell me... all of the Red's secret plans! Donut: Aww! You tricked me! You Blue guys are so smart. Ok, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is... [Church's Ghost runs in and takes control of Donut's body] Church: Caboose! It's me, Church! I possessed this guy so we can... hey. This pink armor is kinda comfortable. Roomy. What were you guys talking about? [sadly] Caboose: Oh... nothing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church: I think I came up with a plan for how we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the Reds... [Tucker is silent] Church: ... The plan does not involve mayonnaise. Tucker: Dammit! I knew there would be a catch! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: I love blood and violence! I've got a boner for murder! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: [Sarge introduces the special modifications he has made to the new robots] Check it out. Robot #2, codeword dirtbag. Grif: [the robot beeps, then hits Grif] Ow! Hey! Sarge: Heh heh heh. Pretty nifty, huh? Simmons: That's awesome, sir! Let me try. Let me try. Codeword dirtbag! Grif: Ow! OK fine. Two can play at this game. Codeword dirtbag! [the robot beeps, then hits Grif] Grif: Ah, son of a b***h. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grif: You think they'll show up? Simmons: Well, my gut says no, but then again, my gut's made of an advanced polymer, and it doesn't know what the hell it's talking about. Stupid gut. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church: All right, get ready to launch Operation Circle of Confusion. Tucker: Uh, Church? It kinda looks more like a triangle from down here. Church: What? Tucker: I'm just saying, it doesn't look much like a circle. It looks more like we're forming a triangle. Just a side note. Church: OK, fine. Triangle of Confusion! Rhombus of Terror! Parabola of Mystery! Who cares? Get the goddamn show on the road! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grif: [the Red and Blue teams call a truce] So now we're forced to work together? How ironic. Simmons: No, that's not ironic! Ironic would be if we had to work together to hurt each other! Donut: No, ironic would be, if instead of that guy kidnapping Lopez, Lopez kidnapped him. Sarge: I think it would be ironic if our guns didn't shoot bullets, but instead squirted a healing salve that cured all wounds. Caboose: I think it would be ironic if everyone was made of iron. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Tucker has just overheard the Red Team leader talking to "Red Command", who is the same person as "Blue Command'] Tucker: What the hell, Vic? How do you know the Red Team? What are you helping them against the Blues? What the ******** is going on here? Blue Command: Ohh. Private Tucker. You're on here too Um... See, I um... you guys are... uh, I gotta go, bad connection. [Command turns off their radio] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church: Tucker, what the ******** are you babbling about? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tucker: Maybe they're playing the radio to beam secret messages to the fillings in my teeth. Church: Secret messages about what? Tucker: Exactly. Caboose: [*arriving on the scene after spying on the Reds*] They are probably trying to tune in to the distress signal they heard on the radio. Church: What makes you say that? Caboose: Oh, I know all the details. They were in their car... the Boss Hog... when Simmons heard a distress signal on the radio... and Gruff was in the back seat... with a monkey. Tucker: Hmm, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that some of that is wrong. Church: How do you know all this, Caboose? Caboose: Andy told me. Church: Andy? Who's Andy? [*looking at Tucker*] Church: Are you - are you Andy? Tucker: I'm not Andy, I'm Tucker! Church: No, I know! What's your first name? Tucker: Lavernius. Church: Lavernius? Well, then who's this Andy? Wait a second... [*turning back to Tucker*] Church: ... are you black? Tucker: Me? Church: Yeah. Tucker: Does it matter? Church: No. I'm just curious. Tucker: Well, if it doesn't matter, then why are you curious? Church: I don't know, I guess that's just something I should've picked up on after all this time! Tucker: You know what else you should've picked up on? My ********' first name! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church: I didn't want to mess with the timeline. Caboose: Time... line? [sighs] Caboose: Time isn't made of lines! It is made of circles. That is why clocks are round. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tucker: Chicks will do anything for money! Tex: That's not true! Tucker: Oh, yeah? I'll give you 10 bucks to tear off Grif's arm! Tex: [turning quickly to look at Simmons and Grif] Which one's Grif? [Grif gestures towards Simmons while slowly backing away] Grif: [whispering] He's Grif. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grif: So how did the game go? Church: Great! if you were on the other team! Grif: So you lost? Church: yes, well unless there is some new game type where you try to catch the most amount of bullets with your torso... and in that case Simmons was the winner! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: Why don't we try to find O'Malley? Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates. Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: [Caboose is standing on Sarge's shoulders, looking into the Blue Team's base] What do you see? Caboose: I see... A room. Sarge: And? What's in the room? Caboose: There are some walls... And some ceilings. Wait! Just one ceiling. Sarge: What's makin' all that racket? Blue Team: Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Caboose: You are not going to like it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blue Soldier #1: Yeah, I love reloading! I love to reload! Red soldier #1: [Melee kills Blue Soldier #1] OH! Back of the head! Blue Soldier #1: Ooh! Tell my girlfriend that I love her. Red soldier #1: She's my girlfriend now, b***h! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red soldier #1: [Runs past Blue Soldier #1's camping spot and gets killed] Oh, you ******** camping b***h! Blue Soldier #1: It's a legitimate strategy! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose: [Donut and Caboose found a Warthog in the future] Look at what I found. Donut: I found it! Caboose: Look at what I took credit for finding. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: Actually, the problem is with Lopez! Grif: Don't tell me. The ambassador from Spanishland is coming, and without Lopez we don't have anyone to translate. Simmons: There's no such thing as "Spanishland", you retard... Grif: Yes, there is. They have those, um, waterslides... and all that salsa! Simmons: No... they don't. Grif: Well... I guess you would know. Simmons: What's that supposed to mean?... FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M DUTCH-IRISH! Grif: Hey, don't let your fiery Latin temper get out of control. I was just trying to make a point. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge: [Tex has finished repairing Shelia, and is now attacking the Red Base. Sarge is in the Warthog and radios Simmons] Simmons, I'm comin' around in the Warthog. Take the gunner position when I come by. Simmons: Right, Sir. Grif: I'll, uh, I'll just stay here. Simmons: Yeah. Stay and guard this cement wreck. It's vital to our success. [Simmons jumps into the gunner position of the Warthog] Simmons: I'm in, sir. Sarge: [they drive off towards Sheila] Good. Here's the plan, Simmons [Tex blasts the Warthog, and Simmons flies off] Sarge: Yowza! Grif: [Sarge and Simmons run back to Red Base] Wow. You guys back so soon? Win the war already? Simmons: Hey Sarge, you mind telling me the rest of the plan now? Sarge: If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you... slowly... Sheila: [Shelia is still firing at the Red Base] Firing main cannon. Donut: [Donut runs up the stairs, while Grif, Simmons, and Sarge are cowarding in the other staircase] What are you guys doing up here? Grif: That chick with the black armor is back! Donut: What chick? The one who stuck a grenade to my head? Simmons: That's the one! Donut: The one who's the reason why I'm in this Light Red Armor? Grif: Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but it's so much faster just to say Pink. Donut: Ohhh, I've been waiting for this... [runs to edge of base, towards Sheila] Donut: HEY b***h! REMEMBER ME? I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA'! [Tosses grenade at Tex and Sheila] Tucker: [Simmons and Grif look at grenade, grenade flies, Lopez/Church watches grenade, grenade flies, Tucker and Cabosse watch grenade] Wow. That girl has some arm... Tex: [grenade lands in Tex's lap] Oh, CRAP! Donut: HELL YEAH! THREE POINTS, YOU DIRTY WHORE! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Caboose has a crush on Sheila the tank, who is spending a lot of time with Lopez the robot] Caboose: [yelling from the distance atop the Blue base] Sheila! Come back to me! I made you a muffin! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [the Sarge is back into the real world and finds Simmons and Grif] Sarge: What... what happened here? Simmons: Sir, you got shot in the head, so we gave you CPR and saved you, sir. Grif: I always believed in you, Simmons. Simmons: Uh, actually, it's Grif you should thank, sir. He did all the work. Sarge: Grif? Simmons: Yes, sir. Sarge: Grif, why in hell would you give somebody CPR for a bullet wound in the head? That doesn't make a lick of sense. Grif: [sighs] You're welcome, sir. Sarge: I mean it's all so damn inconsistent. What would you do if they stabbed me in the toe, rub my neck with aloe vera? Hey there Grif! I think I feel an aneurism comin' on. Could you help me out with one of them therapeutic massages? Use your fingers, not your knuckles. That there, that's good. Lower back. Yeah, I can feel that working already. Don't be afraid to go too low. Oh, yeah, shee-atsu. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Donut: [noticing Grif and Simmons just returning to the Red base after evading Sheila's rampage] What happened? Grif: [heavily panting and breathing as if he had run a marathon] Big...tank...shooting!! WHOOOOHHHH!!! Simmons: Damn, man! We only ran, like, three hundred feet! You are REALLY out of shape! Grif: [still panting heavily] ********... you... Donut: Where's your car? Simmons: General Patton here had a great strategy to leave it behind. Grif: Hey, it would have worked if that tank hadn't shown up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [both teams have been arguing over the nature of irony for 2 hours] Church Okay. We all agree that while the current situation is not totally ironic, the fact that we now have to work together is odd in an unexpected way, that defies our normal circumstances. Is everyone happy with that?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Tucker is complaining about having to handle a switch on Church's robotic body, which is located near the crotch area] Tucker I wish Tex was here. She wouldn't have any problem flipping it. Church You *obviously* did not know Tex that well.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simmons Hey, Doc, although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverized into dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the Warthog. Frank DuFresne Oh... right. Sorry. [Accidentally accelerates, Smashes Sarge] Sarge Oww! Hot buttered lugnuts! Frank DuFresne Oooh, jeez, I'm really sorry. I just was in the wrong gear. Lemme just... [smashes Sarge again] Sarge Doh! Jeez, there goes my last kidney! I was savin' that one for a special occasion! Frank DuFresne Third time's a charm? Simmons I don't think so, Poindexter! Outta the jeep, now! Frank DuFresne I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help. Really! Grif [Sarcastically] Oh is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our sergeant by ramming him over and over with a 6000 pound steel death machine! Now that we know you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue! Frank DuFresne [pause] ... Really? Simmons, Grif Get Out!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simmons [upon seeing the Warthog, the Red's new jeep] Shotgun! Grif Shotgun!... ********.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simmons Shotgun! Grif Shotgun... ********! Donut Shotgun slap! Simmons ********!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tex Someone hired a freelancer to take you out. Do you have any idea why? Tucker I can't say. Tex Keeping secrets? I find that attractive.. Tucker You do?? Tex In attractive people, yeah.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tex Everybody in the division was paired with an AI, and codenamed for a state. Donut What was your codename, Tex? Tex Nevada. Tucker One for each state? So there's fifty of you... Tex Forty-nine. Remember? Tucker Ohh, yeah... that's right. Man, poor Florida. *sigh*.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tucker You know, I miss the old days, when you guys were just a bunch of nameless assholes I'd yell at with Church. Grif It's ok, man. [*voice breaking*] Grif We hate you too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Grif, Simmons, and Tucker have been transported into a post-apocalyptic future] Grif They destroyed it all, Simmons. Those damn stupid bastards! They blew it all up! Damn them! Damn them to hell! Those damn dirty apes! Simmons Calm down, Grif. We don't know if the whole world is like this. Grif Yes, it is. They destroyed it all. I guess a society of men just wasn't meant to survive. Simmons Hey, how about this - how about we explore more than two square miles before jumping to any conclusions? Grif It was definitely nuclear weapons. That's what did it. And the explosions caused massive power outages, which caused the fail-safes to fail, which released the super bacteria from a secret lab! Simmons Oh, come on. Grif That caused a huge plague, and after the victims died, they rose from the dead twelve hours later to roam the earth and feast on human flesh. Simmons What? Grif A handful of gritty survivors from all walks of life were able to keep the legions of the infected radioactive undead at bay using only their wits and an inexplicable comprehension of agricultural science and engineering. Everything was looking good, and that's when the meteor hit. Simmons I think you just quoted every crappy Hollywood apocalypse movie ever.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tucker Hollywood doesn't understand the apocalypse. They think that if just one thing from everyday life goes away, that changes everything. Like in Road Warrior, it was gas, and in Waterworld, it was land. Simmons What went away in The Matrix? Tucker Sunlight. Grif I thought the missing element was "plot". Tucker I'm talking about Matrix 1. Simmons Oh, right.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simmons Do you ever wonder why we're here? Grif [annoyed] No. I NEVER wonder why we're here. Semper fi, b***h!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Frank is possessed by an evil AI which can't control Frank entirely] Church How'd he get up there so quick? Donut Man, that guy is wicked fast! [Frank's voice] Frank DuFresne Thanks! I lettered in track in high school! It was the least directly competitive sport I could find! Grif Track sucks! [O'Malley's evil voice] Frank DuFresne YOU SUCK!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sheila [has just been blown up, and is dying] I'm scared, Dave, will I dream? [singing] Sheila Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do... Caboose Sheila! NOOOO! Tucker Oh, God! Sheila! Wait, who's Sheila? Caboose Sheila was the lady in the tank. She was my friend. Tucker Dude, I knew you could pick up chicks in that tank!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Frank being controlled by an evil AI] Frank DuFresne And now, I make my escape, with my metallic hostage, never to be seen again! Unless I want to be seen! In which case, if I see you, before you see me... look out!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- O'Malley Your soul is the cavern of lies.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church Tucker! Tucker! Are you okay? Tucker Church... the purple guy... he's... Church Yeah, I know. It's O'Malley, he must have gotten the medic somehow... Tucker No... he's an a*****e...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose [waiting for Lopez to fix the tank] Hurry! Hurry! Hurry! Fix the tank! So that I say hello to Sheila! [through Caboose] O'Malley And start killing everyone! Tucker You mean all the Reds, right? Caboose Of course! [through Caboose] O'Malley For starters!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge Simmons, Grif, we're out of luck. Get ready to open fire. Today is a good day to die. Grif Wait! I think today is actually a good day to RETREAT. Can't we push dying to a week from Friday? Simmons Yeah... let's all take dying as an open-action item, and come back with suggestions next meeting. Sarge No! It has to be today. For our ancestors. YEAARRRRHH! [charges]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Donut Hey guys. We might have a problem here. Somebody - and I'm not gonna say who - might have thought that one of the cyborg parts we needed for Simmons' surgery was a cupholder. And somebody - not naming any names here - might have left it, along with their favorite smooth jazz compilation CD, in the Warthog. I just don't know who would do such a thing. Grif Was it you? Donut Yeah. Uh, no! [clears throat, deepens voice] Donut I mean, no. [pause] Donut Dammit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Church and Tex are in Caboose's mind and are encountering his mental images of all the characters] Caboose's Church Attention Reds! The great Caboose demands an audience with you, so listen up ya blowjobbing cocksuckers! [the Reds appear from behind obstacles one by one] Simmons Caboose? Oh no, he's come to kill us! Grif [he is wearing yellow] Will someone please help me? I don't wanna die. Lady Donut I love Caboose and yet I'm still afraid of him. Sarge [in a pirate voice] Arrgh. I be havin' a southern accent. Yorgh. Lady Donut He's so scary. Caboose Fear not, Reds. I come here not to destroy, but instead to ask for your assistance on this day. Church Okay woah woah woah woah woah. I gotta correct a couple things I'm hearing. [to the fake Church] Church First of all, you? You're not Caboose's best friend. Okay? You don't have a best friend. You know why? You don't need one! You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience! Live the dream, buddy! Caboose's Church Shove it, d**k-sniffer! Church And Caboose? Come on, dude. Seriously? Have you paid attention to our enemies for one second? Caboose I beg your pardon? Church First of all, that guy, [Grif] Church he's not yellow. He's orange. And since when is there a girl on the red team? Lady Donut My favorite thing is pretty dresses. Sarge Argh. I got termites in me leg. Church And that is not a southern accent. Sarge Arr. Lady Donut Do you have any tampons? Church Seriously, what is the matter with you people? Tex Calm down, Church! Grif Don't kill us, Mr. Sidekick! Caboose's Church Hey butt-brunch! I'm Caboose's sidekick, not him! Shut your pie-hole!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Tucker is driving the tank and can't get it to slow down] Tucker Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not. Sheila, how the ******** do I slow you down? Sheila Retard the throttle. Tucker What throttle? This throttle? Sheila Retard the controller. Tucker You mean this thing? What are you talking about, I'm so cunfused! Sheila The controller, retard! Tucker Hey, that's kind of insulting. Sheila Retard. Retard. Retard. Tucker Oh come on, now you're just being mean. Sheila Retard. Retard. Retard. [pause] Sheila Retard.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge Hey, Simmons. What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats? Simmons Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, sir Sarge Hey, Grif. Chupa-thingy, how 'bout that?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge [Lopez is singing - badly] What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio NOW? It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican Sasquatch!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose And Sheila will love me again. And this time, for who I am. And not just for my stunning good looks... but for those too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose I can't believe Church shot me! Church [from the other side of the Blue's base] Oh, don't even START, Caboose!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Multiplayer Red Guy [a character in what appears to be a Halo Deathmatch has just "won'] Multiplayer Red Guy Good game! Good game everybody! Gee-Gee, man, gee-gee! Ugh! Multiplayer Red Guy [Character "dies', implying he has quit the game]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Zealot If the flag is gone, who will lead us? Who will inspire us with their shiny pole? Who will flap directions to us in battle? We are lost! And the world as we knew it is gone from our eyes! Only to live in our memories as the days of salad and glory! Truly these are the end of times! [shouts] Red Zealot Repent! Repent!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Zealot [after an angered Caboose makes his overly dramatic entrance into the battlefield] It's the Beast! The Anti-Flag, come to live among us and rule us for seven years! The end is nigh!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church So just remember, the Internet can be a very scary place if you're not prepared. Grif How do you recommend they prepare? Church I don't know. Try going to your local middle school chess club. Hand out crystal meth and drugs. That might be good practice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Grif Thanks for watching, everybody! Now let's all go home and masturbate!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [after Sarge and Caboose's last attempt to get the Battle Creek Red and Blue death match guys to listen to them has failed] Caboose Wait. I can make them listen. I... can...*beat* them. Sarge Son, what are you talkin' about? Caboose O'Malley taught me how to be mean. [struggles to concentrate] Caboose I... just... have... to... concentrate... on, bad... things! Like *milk*... no wait, red...*Red Bull*! Sarge Son, I think you've really lost it. O'Malley's not in your head any more, he infected the Doc! Caboose No, I can feel him. I just need to... get angry, and *say mean things*, like... uh... *Your brain is a mountain of hatred!* Sarge I never thought I'd reach the moment in my life when I actually missed Grif... but here it is. Caboose [now speaking in a very stilted, halting cadence, straining even more] Now, I am... thinking... about... kittens! Guh, *kit-tens*... covered... in... spikes. That makes... me...*angry!!* [begins to convulse and yell] Caboose [Caboose completely loses all self-control and then jumps off the cliff. An overly dramatic upshot of Caboose jumping down from the cliff, in slow motion. Caboose is yelling in a slowed-down, guttural yell, then lands on his feet, shaking the ground. The Reds and Blues stop fighting and stare incredulously at Caboose.] Caboose [in a deep gruff evil voice] My name is Michael J. Caboose, and I... hate.... *babies*!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Church Private Mickey was the first to go. He was half across the base when he started screaming bloody murder. Pvt. Mickey Bloody murder! [shouts] Pvt. Mickey Bloody murder!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Zealot [in the midst of a huge battle] Stop fighting! Stop fighting! Everyone, *stop fighting*! [the fighting stops] Red Zealot Everyone, everyone, look unto me! I possess the blue flag! Red soldier #1 [reverently] It's more beautiful than I ever imagined! Red Zealot I have seen the top of the mountain, and you will all worship me, as though I were a *god*! [several Blues run up and mob him] Red Zealot I regret nothing! I lived as few men dared to dream! [dies]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Donut Come on, Mr. Blue guy! You gotta wake up! Wake up! Tucker It hurts, just let me die. Donut You can't die! I'm bored! All these girls want to talk about is chick stuff! And not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tucker Get Doc. I need Doc. Donut I can't! He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped! He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember? Tucker I know. I want him to shoot me again.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simmons Hello? Hello? Is anybody here? Just great. I guess we all got seperated in the teleporter. [Into COM] Simmons Sarge, this is Simmons 2.0, do you read me? Apparently, your plan to chase Lopez and Doc failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the universe. [pause] Simmons Or it's... the janitors closet, hell, I don't ********' know. Sarge, are you there? Sarge!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose My toes... are getting pruney.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roomates. Sarge Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if you know what I mean.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person! Sarge What? Holy Macaroon. [Checks out the dead person] Sarge He's not sleeping, son, he's dead. Caboose Oh good. At first, I thought that was me because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Caboose Look! More sleeping people! It must be naptime! But who has naptime now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sarge Get over here! Give me a boost! Caboose Okay... [walks up close to Sarge] Caboose You... are a good person. And people say... nice things about you. Sarge Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window. Caboose That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough. Sarge I know. I need you to help me look through it. Caboose I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is *round*, that window is *square*.
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Striker Zero · Fri Jul 29, 2005 @ 04:17am · 0 Comments |
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