Urgh. I actually feel really sick. This used to happen when Dan was making my life hell. Now shes doing it too. I just dont understand why is it always me? Why does s**t like this always end up my way?
I miss Dave and I can't stop crying. He's going on holiday for a week but I need him. I miss Anna too and I need her more than ever. She's the only one that understands me and stands by me. First hardship anyone else experiences and they drop me like a stone. My stomach feels like shite and I've been wretching over the toilet all morning. I just want to move away and start again. I know I'll have to go back on my pills. I just know it. All I want is to escape my brain. Get off the pills and be free. But people like her make it worse. I wish Anna was here. She makes it all better. But she's not. She's at work. I don't know what to do. It's hard to resist trying to cut. It's hard to resist other things. But I have to keep thinking of the future. Of university. Everything will be ok. It has to be. One person can't possibly be that unlucky.
I keep thinking about what Ben did. It's been driving me mad all week. I know its that time of the month but this is driving me even more crazy than usual. Its not jsut hormones. Its the thought there are more of him at Uni. More guys that want to hurt me. To hit me. I just dont want to be in that place again. Not ever. I dont think its fair. I try and be strong but it doesnt work. I just cant. One day I will find peace. One day it'll all be ok. But for now, I have to live in hell until an angel takes me away.
Eeevie · Sat Sep 03, 2005 @ 10:54am · 0 Comments |