My best friend left back to his college today and well that always sucks. But now my cats have made a mess in the garage and my mom so wants to get rid of them. My stomach is all in knots and I've been alone all day at work. I've been left with my thoughts. I can't let go of the minor mistakes I've made today and the feeling in my stomach is getting worse. I'm uncomfortable, nervous, and anxious. I just to sleep today away... I figure with my history of depression it's not a good idea. That feeling is probably a sign... It's kind of like my skin is crawling. I just don't want to be here, sitting at a computer all day and trap inside. ( I honestly don't mind my job.) Everything just seems bad today. I'm on my own again. I might loose my cats. (they're like the only things I get along with anymore) My mom's yelling at me for the same s**t over and over again. That just adds the anxious-ness. And I can't stop thinking about what my best friend said... we were talking about my plans after nursing school. The field I want to go into for nursing requires graduate school and there are only a few graduate schools with that program. And I have to work a year before graduate school anyway. So plan is too get a job and move to the city I plan on going to graduate school. He says I shouldn’t move out of my comfort zone before I have to. (says the guy who left right after high school) I didn’t want to tell him… but this isn’t a comfort zone for me. … I always liked school because it meant I wasn’t with my family… now I’m trapped with them… only them. I have three weeks before school starts and I can feel the pressure build. All the things my mom piles on me to do… all the things I have to get done for her… I know if I stay in that house my mother is going to continue to suck the life out of me. She’s already talking about me helping her pay off her house! Do you have any idea how definitely trapped I will be!?! If I’m helping her pay this house how will I be able to save up money for graduate school, a car, and for when I’ll have to start living on my own!?! I guess he doesn’t know that. She’ll keep me there just so she can get money out of me. O.o I just ran to get a friend some change and they are on my computer in the back… What the Hell is going on!?!
darkworldliver · Mon Aug 04, 2008 @ 09:33pm · 0 Comments |