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(People say this should be in my journal, so ok.)
I'm just getting this foo my chest, so yeah.
Recently I have discovered something that I can only explain as stupid. That's right, stupid. I have learned that your feelings are a b***h, and steer you wrong many a time before landing you with someone right for you, (If indeed they do). If your all confused about where this rant is leading, let me clarify, relationships. It seems like it is way to easy for someone to say "I love you with all my heart, I want to be with you forever" and then two weeks later break up with you for some BS reason, and sometimes, without even giving you a real reason. This has happened to me quite often in my short time living, and two time out of those, I had said the same things back to the person, and not only that, but meant it. Maybe this happens to me because I'm an a*****e, some child who takes love for granted, or even worse, just a complete dumbass. I'm leaning towards that last one, mostly because I treasure love above all else, and most people consider me nice. But then there is this elusive fourth option, what if I am just a complete and total loser with no future? What if everyone I've dated has seen this and gone, "Well ******** this" and ran off with luggage in tow? It used to be I was a loser with no future. Yeahp, I'll be the first to admit it, 17 going on 18, no job, having trouble in school, oh well, another teen down the drain right? Wrong. Seemingly out of nowhere, and angel appeared... not just an angel, but she had to be the most beautiful of all gods creations, and guess what, she actually liked me! I was in shock, no one actually like me for me, everyone always had some ulterior motive for dating me, so this was quite a shock. Needless to say, I fell in love. For her I would have done anything, I mean anything, and she asked one thing. "For me? Get your grades up, get a job." So what do I do? Well currently I am doing very, very well in school, and(hopefully) graduating form high school this year. What else? I have a job at a nice place called quality metals. So what’s the downside of this story? Why does it shoot a jagged spike through my heart every once in awhile, then twist around for fun? Easy. She left me. Now don't go thinking she left me after all this happened, no, she left when I was in the middle of trying to make myself better for her. Oh, just wait, it gets better. I try my best to understand why she did this(Ok, so I made myself sound like I was in the right some of the time... I very well didn't want to be in the wrong) and then ask her tons of questions related to why she broke up with me. Answer? Bull s**t. That's right. A great shovel full of bull s**t. Well damn that sucked. After hours of her growing steadily more pissed at me, she snapped, told me she cared about me still, which was why she didn't tell me the real reason(Which for some reason I still don't agree with) and then altogether stops talking to me. After that, it struck me that it really sucked to not be able to talk to her altogether hurt worst then felling the pain of talking to her. Oh well, mistake is made right? Actually... right. She still doesn’t talk to me... hates me with every fiber of her being... and probably has moved on to another boyfriend... or did a few days after she broke up with me anyways. I guarantee that if she did move on to someone new however, that she is right now, cradling him in her arms, smiling her special smile, kissing him softly and whispering "I love you so much, we're going to be together forever" And making him fell on top of the world. Me, well, I don't cry anymore at least. Haven't done that in awhile, but it still hurts, and she’s forgotten about me.
I guess I just needed to get that out. Thanks if you actually took the time and read that. I know, I'm a loser still remorsing about some girl, but oh well.
Trup_Sebteri · Thu Sep 08, 2005 @ 05:50am · 2 Comments |
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