Day I ( This was an old entry from a journal I started on my comp. this one is personal I was feeling pretty depressed)
Thursday, October 20th 2005
Well, I finally started writing a Journal. There were many times when I felt like I do now and need a way to get my feelings out. Since I don't really feel like talking to anyone, I'll just write it down. Today in school we had the pep rally. This is the ast day of homecoming week and I guess they're tryin 2 bring up the school spirit. During the pep rally they introduce all the schools teams, the band, the poms, and the cheerleaders. I'm saying this because I'm on the Cross Country team(or so I thought). You see what happened was that During our 2nd meet at Kentland, I hurt a ligament in my knee. Therefore I was and am still unable to run. The day after i got injured I went to the doctor to see exactly what was wrong( at the time I didn't know it was a ligament problem). The doctor said that it was a ligament and that I needed to see an orthopedic doctor. She also said 4 me not 2 run for 2 weeks. The next day I gave the doctors note to my coach. she said ok and to comeback after the 2 weeks. There was 1 problem with that. The injury lasted way past 2 weeks. Actually tommorow will be the 1 month mark since I got injured. I hate the fact that i cant run. I found out I really like running after I joinined the track team. And it still sucks not being able to run. Seeing members of the team wearing their uniform during school the day they have a meet makes me feel so depressed. I still feel that way. When Mr. Johnson introduced them and they entered the gym, I began to feel even worse. I feel like I should've been there with them. I still felt happy 4 my friends that were on the team even though I was kinda depressed at the same time. The main reason why i felt that way was because its my fault I got the stupid injury. I wanted to get better so badly that I got my self hurt an unable to run for over a month. The day before the race at Kentland we had practice. During practice, my knee was seriously hurting me. I was literally limping after i got home from practice. I thought the pain would just go away like some other less painful knee pains I had previously. when i told my mother about the pain she told me not to run at the race on the next day. I was stubborn and went to race the next day. All that day my knee was bothering me, but I ran anyway. If someone's reading this I know they're thinking "man he's an idiot ". I'm not sure why I ran. I guess I wanted to prove to my family and friends that I could commit to somthing. There were so many times in my past where I just gave up because it was "too hard". I was tired of being a quitter. So I didn't give up in spite of the injury.Boy was that a dumb decision. After that race I could barely stand properly, let alone walk properly. Only one person seemed to notice how hurt I was. I don't really know her name, but thanx to her anyway. The rest of the team didn't seem to notice. That was weird. Anyway, so that injury was cause mainly by me and my stupid desire to prove people wrong. And now I'm hearing from the other members of the team thatI may be off the team. I can't even measure how bad i feel right now. Because of that 1 stupid decision, now I might be off the team. I hear indoor season starts soon, and my knee feels better. I took my MRI yesterday so when I see the doctor again she'll be able to tell me when i can run again. Things are starting to look up. I hope I'll heal so I can run track again. This entry is offially over. Peace ^_^
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