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I'm going straight to hell. |
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This is a flyer that was posted on local churches, most of the accusations are quite ridiculous. But read it anyways I'm sure you'll get a laugh out of it too. [the words inside these boxes are me talking.]
The Flyer reads:
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord! Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing. [Oh, me I do! Wait... is that a sin?]
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [Not really, but if I had some I'd wear them.]
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish. [Yes... yes we've gone through all this black crap... move on.]
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. [Not silver jewelry! Ahhh!! No these sinners must be stopped. *sarcastic*]
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos. [No way they can't want to pierce there bodies and cover them with tattoos, no! That is pure evil!]
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [Oh, I'm sorry I was too busy listening to this gothic anti-christ music, were you saying something? Something important maybe?]
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. [And I thought I was bad, and I was talking to these 'other people' and there really horrible people. You can almost feel the sarcastic-ness in these phrases.]
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. [So, what are you gonna do about it?]
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. [No way! That's horrible. Quick get rid of the evidence!! *hides all her Anne Rice Novels* ]
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol. [Finally two sins I haven't committed.]
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. [not all goths are depressed and not all depressed people are Goths.]
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) [A satanic ritual! Heathens!!]
-Complains of boredom. [Oh, there goes almost the whole entire population, straight to Hell with ye! ]
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. [Sometimes I get tired, sometimes I'm wired. Get over it.]
-Is excessively awake during the night. [Better to talk to my friends on the net, my dear.]
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.) [But it's so bright and annoying, I know we need it but geez that doesn't mean I'm evil.]
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. [The unadulterated horror!]
-Spends large amounts of time alone. [It's called being anti-social.]
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits.) [Yes I raise the devil and talk to evil spirits when I want to be alone...?]
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. [We're teenagers, but I wouldn't mind my mom being around to watch me be an evil satin worshipper. Because according to this notice I must be his right-hand.]
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively [So I like food, is there a problem?]
-Eats too little. [This is the 30% of the time I'm not hungry, get over it.]
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this. (COUNT CHOCULA CEREAL MEANS YOU COMMUNICATE WITH THE DEVIL) [Count Chocula cereal means you communicate with the devil? Oh God I'm a sinner because I eat chocolate cereal! Save me from the chocolately goodness!!]
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [I can attain satin from drinking blood? Ahh! Satin's in my body! Anyway to get him out?]
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.) [What media today isn't?]
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. [*gasp* Oh no! The role-playing!]
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. [Why did they stick this thing in front of me if they didn?t want me to use it? Can I obtain Satin from this crazy contraption too?]
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. [violent shaking head... Ooohhh?]
-Dances to music in a provocative manner.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. [Hey, you sinners stop being gay! *rolls eyes* I really have nothing against it. And if you would walk up to a gay person today and say 'Hey! Stop kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend!' Do you really think he/she would?]
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. [Philosophy, Hinduism, Buddhism...? How corrupt.]
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth". [No, not that! Anything but that!!]
-Claims to be a goth. [I couldn't even imagine!]
Amande Tenebres · Wed Nov 09, 2005 @ 09:34pm · 0 Comments |
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