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OOC:I must write this entry, completely off from what usually goes on, but something that need be written. For the sake of my current mood, allow me to express feelings that can only be revealed in writing...
We all have someone to love, to hang on to. We all cling to someone, hoping with all the world that they will always be there, but we all know they can't. We all live for someone, and someone lives for us. A beacon in the night that has always been there to guide you, and to love you. When you are the first person they call, you know. When they can hardly talk to you, they are so choked with emotion, you feel almost as if you let them down. Why must we constantly deal with one problem after another? Why must they leave so suddenly........why so far away? As I think back I smile. What an excellent life they seem to have lived, and I am happy to have been, still be, a part of it. I laugh as I think back on the stories, the songs, the games, the times that we shared. I can only hope to share one more. Just one more day, one hour....one minute. I lay in bed praying to see her again, just once, before her time comes. Tears come to my eyes as I silently whisper the song that she would sing to me each night, each day. On the phone I converse with my friend, who is taking care of her. E-mailing pictures of me to give to her, and in return I get pictures of her. I take extreme joy in the occasion of her calling, treasuring each word, trying to hold onto it forever. I wonder if I have been a good enough influence in her life, and she leaves no doubt of that. But as I now think back on our all to brief visits, I reallize we must treasure our time with family, and friends. Take advantage of the time you have with those close to you, and treasure each second you get to spend with them as if it is a gift from the Lord above. Life is to short not to try and be a good influence. Do not "put off" a visit for another time, you never know what will happen.....I put off a visit, and now I highly regret it. Show those that you love what is truly in your heart, do not hide your feelings from your family. In all my life, I have never known someone who effected me so. I cannot think of the times we shared without a tear coming to my eye, dreading the time when those moments will not be available. I hang on to what memories I have, writing them on paper when possible. In all my memories, there is one that sticks out the most. A song that we would sing, that at first meant nothing to me, but now means the world. It goes as follows, it may not mean much to you, but there is no telling how much it means to me: I love you, a bushel and a pack, A bushel and a pack, and a hug around the neck! A hug around the neck and a barrel and a heep, A barrel and a heep and I'm talking in my sleep About you. About you. Oh I love you, a bushel and a pack, Bet ya pretty neck I doooooooo!
Even now, I smile slightly, knowing how funny it must look to you. It does not seem quite right, written here on paper, and not coming from her lips. But it is one of my most treasured memories, and in my mind it deserves to be written down. I write this in memory of The Singer, The Storyteller, The Comedian, and The Lover. I thank you, Jessie Clark for all that you have done, and I am truly honoured to have played a part in your life, which is fastly coming to a close. Forever will your words reverberate in my mind. I give up.
With that finished, I will now move on to someone else. This entry is not yet finished, by no means.
Little by little will I write this second part, for we are having a holiday party, but now I would like to discuss a young man by the name of Glen Allen Reed Jr. I must admit, when I was younger, 8 I think, I had a crush on him, but he is far to old for me now. He used to babysit us as children. Approximately 13 weeks ago, Glen went into boot camp to become a marine. We all teased him, telling him he wouldn't make it, but we never meant it. In our hearts we knew he was going to make it through....and he did. I am not sure whether that is good or bad anymore. Today, we were treated with a pleasant surprise. During our merrymaking, Glen walked through the front door, as handsome as ever. Having lost almost forty pounds, he was looking nice. Although he didn't say hi to me, I knew he had noticed me. I found that the only thing I wanted was to be in the same room. To glory in his company, which has become so rare. He soon dropped the news, a feeling of dread dropped upon my heart like an anvil. A while back, I am not sure when, almost 300 marines were killed in Iraq, and that is where Glen will be. Now, every night, I will pray for his safety, and for that of his colleagues. He was...no is such a sweet boy, and will forever remain in my heart. I beg of you also to pray for those who are over seas, fighting a truly needless battle....
Rockin Ska Punk · Sun Dec 11, 2005 @ 07:22pm · 5 Comments |
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