When you're talking to someone, you expect them to listen, right?
When you make a friend, you expect them to understand what you feel, right?
When you have someone close, you expect them to acknowledge you and uplift you, right?
When you want to pour out your heart, you expect someone to be there for you, right?
When you feel something strong, you expect people to ask you about it, right?
When you have people who care about you, you expect them to see through your mask, right?
Is it so that I have no one who cares about me. Do I really have no real friends? And how long have I been holding up this life that is really a lie? How many times have I heard words that brings pain to me but brushed it aside? How many times have I sacrificed my own hapiness to bring my 'friends' theirs because I care about them? So why don't they see that they have been destroying me and pushing me further into this endless darkness? So why have I lost the one thing I've been holding on since I was little, one of my best friends? Why does no one ever understands me or even tries to? So, then, is there only one friend in my life that truly realizes who I am? If so, I thank you, Joy.
~
I feel this ever longing,
I feel like never before,
Thoughts from the past are the only pleasent ones.
Never seeing that everyone was never there,
Now that I've opened my eyes
Now that I can see, clearly,
This pain I've never felt before,
It washes over me like the rain,
Yet unlike the water drops from the heavens,
It is the fiery stings from hell.
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Anyway, your poem (the one in red) is pretty good. Freestyle is nice - sometimes, it can be even more powerful than something that rhymes - but it still needs a good rhythm. I think I can sense a little bit of a beat in there, but it's not really enough. For poems like this, that speak of sorrows and pain, powerful, pulsing rhythms usually work well - it helps the reader connect the throbbing heartaches in the poem with their own pains, giving them a better connection to its meaning.
That's just my opinion, though, and I'm no expert. Feel free to write poetry however you want.