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My favorat Quotes (Warning this is a very long list lol) |
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
I swear to drunk, I'm not god!
Trust is a weakness, betrayal is the hidden blade.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Hell was full so I came back.
School prepares you for the real world...which also sucks.
Don't hate me 'cause I'm hot, Hate me 'cause you boyfriend thinks so.
If nobody is perfect, and I'm a nobody, then I must be perfect.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
The evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money!)
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make yours when no one is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there's five hundred greedy relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If it weren't for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching TV in the dark.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
It matters not whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they're not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Last night, I laid in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the hell is the ceiling?"
My Reality Check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Everybody is someone else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. stare
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the driveway before it has stopped snowing.
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
"Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?" sweatdrop
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school clothes.
Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried it.
Chinora · Sun Dec 18, 2005 @ 03:40pm · 3 Comments |
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