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There's a floating present wrapped in white floating around my screen.
......I'm afraid to click it.....I'm bad with viruses.....
............I'm also very selfish. I think self-centered is a little more accurate, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't both.
I have work in an hour. There's a sinking feeling in my chest and my hands shake. I don't know why. I can't sleep. THE PRESENT IS REALLY BOTHERING ME.
Almost every sentence in this entry thus far begins with "I". Reference above ^^^, that's why self-centered is more accurate. Right now, anyway.
Is everyone unhappy? It seems as if happiness is really something fictitious that we as a (poor) society created to comfort ourselves, like love, and faith in government. Something we as a whole can reach towards, despite differences or ignorance or culture. Everyone wants to be happy. And we all reach towards it in our own way.
What if someone didn't know how to reach? Or, what if someone was just used to being unhappy, and had based their comfort zone there? Is that possible? Who came up with the saying, "Misery loves company?" Doesn't that sound sad and cruel? Maybe I'm taking that the wrong way. Maybe it means something totally different. .....Worth a Google, right? What came back was spite, like, 'Someone made me feel bad so I'm gonna make everyone feel bad.' So, it is sad, and if done in spite, then it is cruel. But what about really only knowing yourself in misery? And you enjoy being happy, you crave it, but it's a hollow craving, hopeless and full of despair. Happiness is like taking your first bump of coke, that first boundless high, sweet and solid, but immediately having that void, that need to get it again. And you can spend a fortune, forever chasing that feeling, trying to climb that peak again, to fall short every time. To fall back in your pit of misery, with the weight of shattered hopes and your self-loathing bitter disappointment. Why bother? Why keep spending your money? Why not just stay in your dark, little hole? You know it, it's familiar to you, and it's safe. You can't sink lower than your little hole, nothing bad can happen to you there. Nothing worse than what already has, right?
I need to get ready for work. ....Thanks for tuning in. -Random Mood Swing Radio.
Llybophi · Sat Aug 24, 2013 @ 09:29pm · 0 Comments |
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