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These are my favorite quotes from the X parody of Romeo and Juliet that she found. Its the funniest thing, I'll put a link at the bottom.
~*~*~
Fuuma: ...He's been seen there a lot in the mornings, upset, with a big grey storm cloud over his head. As soon as dawn comes, he goes home and locks himself up, draws the curtains, and hibernates.This isn't good for him; I hope some good advice from a friend will help him at some point.
Seishiro: I'd just like to interject for a moment to point out that this is waaaaay out of character. (the others glare at him and he pops his head off the scene) OK, OK, I'm leaving!
~*~*~
Seishiro: Whatever, you're not talking to Seishiro anyway. He's off somewhere else...(muttering) Or his marbles are...
Kusanagi: (helpfully) Lights are on, but nobody's home?
Seishiro: Two cokes short of a six-pack!
Kusanagi: Not the sharpest quill on the porcupine!
Seishiro: (starting to smirk) Engine is running, but there's no one behind the wheel.
Kusanagi: (chuckling) Coupl'a gunmen short of a posse!
Seishiro: (triumphantly) Couple of bodies short of a serial killer!
(suddenly the omnipotent voice of CLAMP breaks through the clouds)
CLAMP: Get back to the play right now, or you're both dying in the next Asuka!
Seishiro: But I already died. In that other Asuka. You know, the one where I died?
CLAMP: You're funny, Seishiro. Really. But trust us, we are omnipotent. We managed to kill Kotori four times in the movie. I'm sure we could manage a paltry two times for you.
(both men eep and go back to reading the play.)
~*~*~
Kusanagi: Hmmm...Kanoe, whom you love, will be there, along with all of Tokyo's prettiest girls. Let's go, so you can compare her to other pretty girls.
(Both Kusanagi and Seishiro pause here to make gagging gestures in Kanoe's direction)
Kusanagi: Now back to your regularly scheduled tragedy.
Seishiro: Not likely. May I die a painful death if I forget Kanoe.
Yuzuriha: (offstage, cheerfully) FOREshadowing!
Kusanagi: Blah blah blah...basically the same thing I said last line.
Seishiro: OK, OK, I'll go, but only to check out Kanoe.
(Both characters again make gagging noises and gestures.)
~*~*~
Yuuto: Oh, good, the scene where I get to rave like a lunatic.
Seishiro: You are a lunatic.
Satsuki: Was that sarcasm, Yuuto? I can never tell with you.
Yuuto: -_-; I hate you guys.
~*~*~
Seishiro: Nope, I've got Cupid's arrow through my heart, and as you can imagine, that kinda hurts. So I can't fly right now, hurts too bad. Instead, I'm sinking under the heavy weight of love. (pauses) And I'm kind of mad at Cupid anyway.
Yuuto: Ah. Seems too much for a nice guy like you.
(All three Angels pause here, look at each other, and burst out laughing. A few minutes later, they wipe tears of helpless laughter from their faces and resume the play.)
~*~*~
Aoki: Isn't that young Seishiro?
Hokuto: Yup, that's the jerkwad.
Aoki: Oh, let him alone. He's supposed to be a good kid-
(all pause here to turn and stare at Seishiro momentarily)
Seishiro: What?
~*~*~
Seishiro: (has since made his way over to Subaru and is flirting with him) Hello, gorgeous. What?s a guy like you doing in a place like this? (rather pleased with the excuse to hit on Subaru) (kissing up Subaru's hand) If you want me to stop, tell me...
Subaru: (bright red) Quite all right...um...(gets dazed look)
Seishiro: ...
Kamui: (pokes Subaru from behind) Subaru! Subaru! Earth to Subaru! We're doing a play here...!
Subaru: (shakes head) Oh, right...um...(goes off into Sei-chan induced trance again)
Seishiro: Subaru...
Subaru: Seishiro...
Seishiro: Subaru....
All: ........
Seishiro: (blinkblink) Oh, right...flirt, flirt, and then (grin) we kiss. (Does so)
Subaru: (passes out)
All: .........
(Ten minutes later, Subaru is awakened with a bucket of water. Seishiro grabs him and kisses him again. Subaru manages to maintain consciousness this time, and the next several lines are completely ignored.)
Sorata: ....Maybe now would be the time for me to interject? I don't think this play is supposed to go past PG-13.
Others: (nod)
~*~*~
(offstage) Subaru: .... Seishiro....
Subaru: Aw, hell with it! (drags him behind some curtains. The rest of the cast stares for a minute, and then go about trying to get set cleanup done as quickly as possible, so they can get away.)
~*~*~
Kusanagi: Seishiro! Cousin Seishiro! (pauses to consider) Here boy! Here boy! (whistles) C'mere, Seishiro! C'mon, boy!
Yuuto: I bet he went home to bed. Which, incidentally, is where we should be. -_-;
~*~*~
Seishiro: [leering] Would you leave me so unsatisfied?
Subaru: [smacking him] That's not what it meant, and you know it! Shakespeare wasn't that perverted.
Arashi: What about the Porter scene in Macbeth?
Subaru: ....I have nothing to say to that. [continues with his lines] What do you want?
Seishiro: [leering again] You know what I want....
[Subaru smacks him again, causing Seishiro to drop his script. He picks it up, pouting, and resumes his lines.]
~*~*~
[Subaru re-enters]
Seishiro: [mutter] What, you're back again?
Subaru: Pssst! Seishiro! Psssst! Ah, literary allusions. I feel like Echo, since I can only keep repeating Seishiro's name.
Seishiro: I hear Subaru call...
Subaru: Seishiro!
Seishiro: Subaru!
Subaru: Seishiro!
Seishiro: Subaru!
~*~*~
Keiichi: What on earth are you doing up so early? Are you ill? Either you're sick or you didn't go to bed last night.
[The characters backstage start snickering. Keiichi looks scandalized.]
....[muttered] Bunch of perverts...
Sorata: [interrupts. He's holding a rather large book] Oh, Subaru? It turns out Shakespeare really was a pervert. Just in case you care. I mean, dude. Hamlet. There's incest, dirty puns...
Subaru: OK, OK, I get the picture.
Seishiro: Aaaanyway.... You were right the second time- I got better rest than I would have gotten sleeping. [is smirking in a rather satisfied faction]
Keichii: [overacting, but not on purpose] Oh, my gosh! God pardon sin! You weren't with Kanoe, were you?
Seishiro: [looking a bit ill at the thought] Kanoe? Who?
Keiichi: Oh, good. But where were you, then?
Seishiro: OK, OK, I'll tell you, before you ask again. I've been...[leers] "feasting" with my enemy.
Sorata: Despite what I said earlier, I don't think that's what that line meant.
Seishiro: [sighs] Oh, fine. I went to the Sumeragi feast and ran into a really cute guy. I don't hate the Sumeragi family, since I'm in love with one of them. That stands in the way of hate.
Subaru: [mutter] Yeah, try telling that to CLAMP.
CLAMP: I heard that!
Subaru: [loud cough]Yeahso?[loud cough]
~*~*~
Seishiro: [backstage, offended] She's not powerful enough to kill me!
Hokuto: [holds up X16] What do you call this?
Seishiro: .....
~*~*~
All of Act 2 Scene V: In which... Sorata acteth...
~*~*~
Seishiro: This gentleman, my friend, has gotten killed in my behalf. My reputation is stained with Hokuto's slander. Hokuto- she's only been my kinsman for an hour. Oh, Subaru, your beauty has made me effeminate-
[Everyone starts rolling around on the ground laughing here. A few minutes later, they all get up and continue the play.]
-Your beauty has made me effeminate. I was too nice to Hokuto.
~*~*~
Enter Subaru
Subaru: [yawn] Here's an idea for you all: sleep is good.
Karen: Someone keeping you up at night, Subaru?
~*~*~
Subaru: Sorata, what are you talking about? Is Seishiro killed, and Hokuto dead? My dear cousin? Then it is doom for all, for who is worth living for if those two are gone?
Seishiro: [backstage, dryly] How...eerily appropriate.
~*~*~
Seishiro: But if I'm banished from here, I'm banished from the world- from the only world I know. And being banished from the world is like saying "death" . By saying banishment, you put your hand through my chest and smile.
Hokuto: [offstage] Not that we know anyone who would do something like that.
Seishiro: Quiet, you.
Hokuto: Hey, I don't have any more lines since you killed me. I have to do something.
~*~*~
Subaru: .... Well, crap.
Seishiro: My thoughts exactly. [smirks] Well, I'll just have to ravish you while I have the chance.
Subaru: Eep! [blush]
[Subaru is dragged off to parts unknown by Seishiro]
~*~*~
Aoki: Hurry up, bring Subaru out. Kamui is waiting!
[The other three characters in the room, including Subaru, all glare at him.]
Aoki: [raises his hands in a defensive gesture] It's in the script, it's not my fault.
Sorata: He's dead, deceased- [pauses] expired, gone, no longer living. See the little "X"es where his eyes should be! That is a dead parrot!
~*~*~
Keiichi: Is Subaru ready to go to the church?
Aoki: Ready to go, but never will return! [to Kamui] Oh, my son, the night before your wedding, Death lay with your husband.
[There is a pause here as everyone glances toward Seishiro, except Subaru, who is still obediently "dead".]
Sorata: In this case, that almost has a double meaning.
Aoki: There he lies, his virginity taken by my son-in-law Death. Death is my heir, my son has wedded death. It all belongs to Death!
~*~*~
Fuuma: Alas, but my wife is also dead tonight! Grief from my son's exile has killed her.
[Satsuki, backstage, laughs maniacally, since this is unthinkable. The rest of the cast eyes her nervously]
~*~*~
Fuuma: Does anyone else find this scene hokey?
Seishiro: Yes.
Fuuma: [steps lightly on Seishiro's chest] Don't you hate it when people take forever to die?
~*~*~
Aoki: After a bit of jumbled confusion, the situation got sorted out with the help of Keiichi, Kotori, and several long diplomatic sessions with both house heads. Both Fuuma and Aoki realized how close they had come to losing their children and house tensions decreased greatly. (Although they still existed.) Seishiro and Subaru lived in Kyoto, since Seishiro was still officially banished. Kotori, however, relaxed the ruling a bit to allow him to visit Tokyo. Fifty years and several grandchildren later, no one could remember why there had ever been hatred. The end. [exits]
Seishiro: O.o Kids?
Subaru: o.O Grandkids?
Aoki: ... Yeah.
Sorata: [appears wearing a Kiss the Cook apron and bearing plates of goodies] Here's food to celebrate us being done!
[Arashi apparently decides to take Sora up on the offer on his apron. She kisses him and the rest of the cast makes "Awww..." noises.]
Seishiro: Hey, Subaru-kun. What say you we leave all the platonic-ness here and go find a hotel room.
Subaru: Sure. [They wander off, leaving the rest of the cast to stuff themselves silly.]
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wow... just realized how many quotes I had... oops... oh well. Funny s**t. here's where you can find the whole thing: Parody
Subaru-kun Sumeragi · Fri Dec 03, 2004 @ 04:58pm · 1 Comments |
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