Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Im always feeling so blue *looks at my clothes im wearing* lol im wearing all blue rofl lol even my avi is ok getting back to what i was saying im always feeling blue for some reason i guess its just the memory of my cousin since i havent seen him in 2 years and I can never see him again all i got is pictures of him (like 3) and memories i had wit him...........he would always fight with his sister and his sister would always kick his a** lmao.......i kinda felt sorry for him but i couldn't do anything i did nothing and just watched..............we would always play Mario Party 5 and play for hours.....we would always vs. the other players at hockey...........when he died it was pretty hard for me to even look at the case of mario party 5 so i let my friend borrow it and i kinda regret that.................We would also watch movies together exspecially scary movies That was awesome..............But im also Happy to like when i remember all the great times we had together since he lived in Antioch He didnt come over that much...........which sucked......but we had great times together Like just playing Video games together made my day Way better...........when i was blue he would be there to make me feel Happy............I just Miss Him so much.........He was like a little brother to me...........I just ********' Miss Him to much!! Its hard for me u know.......Not seeing him for 2 years and then he suddenly Dies I mean its kinda messed up.....I got so many questions to ask I mean Why didnt the truck see him He got alot taller and he was almost as tall as me and im 5'3 thats pretty tall for a 9 year old aint it??? i cant believe after all these years hes gone.........Its like totally Wrong i mean my lifes turned upside down since he left.........My grades are slipping, I barely see my other cousins, I dont hang out much, and i just feel sad every single day i mean just out of no were I'll start crying or when i just start thinking I get all sad at all the memories.........I dont got much to remember my cousin but i do keep in touch with his mom and sister I barely see most of my cousins that live in san Deigo and Antioch and thats hard for me Like if they Die i wont know........I dont keep in touch with some of my other family And i Love My family!! Sometimes i wish all my problems will disappear But wishes never come true I've tried to many times letting my hopes go up and then the get crushed.......no matter how many times i wish Its never gunna come true and it just hurts me to know that..........I miss my cousin So much if i was there i would of died with him I would of jumps infront of that car or i would of pushed him out the way and let my life be in risk he was just to young to go and i loved him alot i just cant believe hes gone..........just cant believe...........

My Cousin

I miss my cousin who used to laugh,
I miss my cousin who was my half,
I miss him that i cry all day,
I miss him so much and its only May,
I cant believe he left this life,
I cant believe i wont just end mine with a knife,
The pain is like an ache of Hate & love,
I cant even shove no one,
My life has changed since you have left,
I feel the pain inside my chest,
I have been stabbed right in the heart,
Were i kept a important chart,
the order of what kept me going,
Has shut down when u stopped showing,
my cousin is the one i miss,
I wish i could give him one last kiss.