Forget the whole political correct forgivness speech. I have done some really stupid things towards Nik half of them i wasnt even aware of at the time because i was too worried about other things like my freinds views and others. but thinking about it i shouldnt care what they say, if they dont like the fact i prefer to cuddle and whisper to my girlfreind during movies then ******** them! i may have royally screwed up my relationship because of worrying about others my god i am a retard! Nik has possibly been the best thing thats happened to me in a long time depsite the times we fight and get angry with each other, i look back and think it wasnt that bad. I was so worried about showing her i wasnt like the other guys that i went and did the opposite which messed her about and makes me a bad person, Even the journal post yesterday was messed up because i wasnt thinking right. Nik didnt love me coz im a crazy guy that worries about what she thought about himself all the time. but because i am, i truely am a silly guy who doesnt care about what others think about him, who cares for the people he loves passiontly, a guy that doesnt mind rough and tumble and being a complete pratt. i took this .. how stupid is that. It took this, the fact i may loose her to make me realise this .... I wont give up, i wont give up on her or life, i wont just sit here exsisting which is really what i have been doing this past two months, living in a dream world where ive tried to make everything perfect for her, thats the problem nothing can be perfect ... Maybe if i get a chance.. i dont care if it is my last chance but i will prove to her whom i am. So what if my mates complain from me hugging her or kissing her whenever i like or paying more attention to her when shes down? Its my decison not theirs. If i have this chance i will prove that i am still Brad. Crazy guy on the outside, not caring, huggable and silly while still a soft romantical silly guy on the inside after all isnt that what love is about, being yourself and loving the other for the same reason, we shouldnt try and change for the ones we love, you can comprisimse so i have to be less overprotective but thats easy to do, i trust Nik with my soul, she can have it all she wants so on and so forth, question is will she be able to trust me again, i hope so. Someone once said if you stay positive youll get good luck because it influences how people feel and think about you and how you look at situations another says "fortune favours the bold" and if i can sit here with a smile on my face i must either be totally mad or very trusting in the fact i love someone. I dont know what the rest of the day holds for me but i wont morn it, i wont look down but look ahead, ill prove myself or die trying which ever comes first rofl Oh yeh anyone who wants to burn me at the stake or bitchslap for my pure idiocy .. your damn welcome too i only learn the hard way sweatdrop
on an another note i relaise this post is redicully long and i have repeated myself way too many times but what yah gunna do xd
Patchwork dreamer · Sun Jun 04, 2006 @ 11:31am · 0 Comments |