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I judge by what she's wearing
Just how many heads I'm tearing
Off of assholes coming onto her
(Each night seems like it's getting worse)
And I wish she'd take the night off
So I don't have to fight off
Every a*****e coming onto her
(It happens every night she works)

They'll go and ask the DJ
To find out just what would she say
If they all tried coming on to her
(Don't they know it's never going to work?)
They think they'll get inside her
With every drink they buy her
As they all try coming on to her
(This time somebody's gettin' hurt)

Here comes the next contestant
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
There goes the next contestant

And I even fear the ladies
They're cool but twice as crazy
Just as bad for coming onto her
(Don't they know it's never going to work?)
And each time she bats an eyelash
Somebody's grabbing her a**
Everyone keeps coming onto her
(This time somebody's gettin' hurt)

Here comes the next contestant
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
There goes the next contestant

I'm hating what she's wearing
Everybody here keeps staring
Can't wait til they get what they deserve
This time somebody's gettin' hurt

Here comes the next contestant
Is that your hand on my girlfriend?
Is that your hand?
I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
And I wish you'd do it again (I'll watch you leave here limping)
And I wish you'd do it again (each night seems like it's getting worse)
And I wish you'd do it again (this time somebody's gettin' hurt)
There goes the next contestant