The Playa @ Home rofl
For those of you who can't go to Burning Man this year, here's a list of things you can do to keep the Playa-spirit alive at home:
01. Pay an escort of your preferred gender to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they "have a lover back home" at the end of the night.
02. Tear down your house. Put it in a truck. Drive ten-hours in any direction. Put the house back together. Invite everyone you meet to come over and party. When they leave, follow them back to their homes, drink all their booze and break things.
03. Stack all your electronic fans in one corner of the living room. Put on your most fabulous outfit. Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of the fans. Turn them on to "full blast."
04. Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it.
05. Lean back in a chair until that point where you're just about to fall over, but you where you could catch yourself at the last moment. Hold that position for 9 hours.
06. Only use the toilet in a house that is at least three-blocks away. Drain all the water from the toilet. Only flush it every three-days. Hide all the toilet paper.
07. Set your house thermostat so that it's 50 degrees for the first hour of sleep, and 100 degrees for the rest of it.
08. Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of your body. Forget how you did it. Don't go to a doctor.
09. "Downsize" last year's camp by adding two geodesic domes, a new sound system, an art car and twenty newbies.
10. Don't sleep for 5 days. Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic / emotion-altering drugs. Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.
11. Spend a whole year rummaging through thrift stores for the perfect, most outrageous costume. Forget to pack it.
12. Shop at Walmart, Cost-Co, and Home Depot until your car is completely packed with stuff. Tell everyone that you're going to a "Leave-No-Trace" event. Empty your car into a dumpster.
13. Read "Dhalgren" by Samuel R. Delany. Read "The City Not Long After" by Pat Murphy. Cut off the bindings, throw all the pages up in the air, and shuffle them back together. Reread "The City After Dhalgren" by Samuel Murphy. Burn it. Read the ashes.
14. Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or until you think you are going to scream. Scream. Realize you'll love the music for the rest of your life.
15. Spend five-months planning a "theme camp" like it's the Invasion of Normandy. Spend Monday thru Wednesday building the camp. Spend Thursday thru Sunday nowhere near camp because you're sick of it (or can't find it).
16. Walk around your neighborhood and knock on doors until someone offers you cocktails and dinner.
17. Bust your a** for a "community." See all the attention get focused on the drama queen crybaby.
18. Get so drunk you can't recognize your own house. Walk slowly around the block for five-hours.
19. Tell your boss you aren't coming to work this week, but he should "gift" you a paycheck anyway. When he refuses accuse him of not loving "the community".
20. Search alleys until you find a couch so unbelievably tacky, nasty and filthy that a college frat house wouldn't want it. Take a nap on the couch and sleep like you are king of the world.
21. Ask your most annoying neighbor to interrupt your fun several times a day with third hand gossip about every horrible thing that's happened in the last 24-hours. Have them wear khaki.
22. Go to a museum. Find one of Salvador Dali's more disturbing, but beautiful paintings. Climb inside it.
23. Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.
24. Mail $200 to the Reno casino of your choice.
25. Spend thousands of dollars and several months of your life building a deeply personal work of art. Hide it in a fun house on the edge of the city. Hire people to come by and alternate saying "I love it" and "this sucks balls". Blow it up.
26. Set up a DJ system downwind of a three-alarm fire. Play a short loop of drum n bass until the embers are cold.
27. Have a 3 a.m. soul baring conversation with a drag nun in platforms, a crocodile and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell if you're hallucinating.
28. Make a list of all the things you'll do different next year. Never look at it.
San Jaya Prime · Fri Aug 18, 2006 @ 02:54am · 0 Comments |