I'm listening to Panic! at the disco. Trying to clear my mind. Can't wait to get some more iTunes money and buy this CD. anyways. Lifes pretty rough in some places. Home life is pretty smooth. I do my chores, get out of the house moderatly with my nashvillian friends, talk to Jon. But then SR is over. Or should I say suspended? I don't know... Jon says not to worry about it. But, I mean.... Sanity Replacement was more than a roleplay. It was my life for more than three years! And for the past 5 years I've been just as excited! Though plots have been hard to come up with since Naraku died. But I thought everything was fine! I was trying to be more like Chiro, We were getting to learn about Sesono's past (which was really neat so far, I like her idea of an underwater city). But astroua was gone. Zefix came in. once or twice I was kind of distant, but I always do that! Thats Chiro being Chiro, and I know it can be annoying..... but I like to doodle! I'm sorry for doodling, I'll stop drawing forever now. and Arthas und Rhea were finnaly growing up and having their own parts in the story.....
I thought it was fine. BUT NO! I start loving Jon and for some reason thats bad. OR it looks like we're obsessed, which is kinda true. But I don't know.
JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT! Anything... ANYTHING. I'll ******** change.
Just quit leaving me out of discussions and expect me to know what the ******** IS GOING ON! sometimes Ally and Andy will be in a fight for weeks and I won't know about it until I'm caught in the crossfire! Or when Eric disappeared for the last time! It took me a month to figure out why! I've got to wait for Ally and Andy to get on, and I'm not sure when they Feel like it!
******** it. They'll come when they feel like having me back. Then just put me on the shelf when they don't feel like talking to me anymore. fine. I'll just be a good doll and sit here; gathering dust.
While my grades plummet. While I feel like I'm hollow. I feel so tired all the time. No matter how much I sleep. I feel like I'm not good enough. not smart enough not ******** good enough!
Maybe I should quit everything. Quit Drill team. Quit honors classes. Quit the Art contest to get my art in the museum. Quit hanging out with my nashville friends.
And just die in a ball on my bedroom floor.
I've ******** trying okay! I"M ******** TRYING......
But its still not good enough. I've got to try harder. I've got to try try try try........ God I'm weak weak weak weak '
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN Damn Damn damn damn damn damn... ...
I'm going walking.
[Chi-Chan] · Tue Sep 19, 2006 @ 11:16pm · 0 Comments |