I need to be less self deprecating... this just can't be healthy. Bleh... I thought I was getting better too. But who am I kidding? it takes more than a few months to get over years of hurt and whatnot. And even then...those years made me what I am today... and so to get over them... means to sort of forget aboout them. and I won't ever forget them or let go of them. They are me. I am a product of my environment... and they are so deeply embedded...and I'm not even sure if I want to let go. I feel like I would be betraying myself. I feel like I would be betraying the confused and hurt little kid who'd already been betrayed by everyone. All I had left was myself. And I"m afraid if I try to tell myself that those years aren't worth remembering or holding onto that the me of the past won't have anything to hold onto when they figure out that down the line they'll be betrayed by themselves, and so have no reason to go on.
The Girl-fiend · Mon Jan 10, 2005 @ 05:39pm · 0 Comments |