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Have you ever bin in love? and I mean love that has driven your mind crazy, a particular passion to be around a certain somebody anytime anywhere. In which you feel without them you will fall apart. Possibly even die, without being with this person, not obsession, which would completely contradict its meaning. Well I have, and as a matter of fact I'm still am in love, and to a certain point it is the best feeling in the world. You're happy all the time, you can't take that smile of my face because I'm always a flitter and a flutter over my prince charming. Yet, love can be a deceitful and harmful emotion that to many have mentally and physically detrimented their persona. Me on other hand, I have been hurt by this person that I have fallen in love with, and perhaps being "love" blinded me and caused me to think that he didn't mean to hurt me, but just wanted to test me. What ever it may be, I have to say this feeling is ineffable. I can't concentrate on a particular topic or action all due to the way my mind keeps thinking about him.
It's rather funny because I had a particular philosophy that in school one could never really "fall in love" phtff, please in "love" ...KIDS that by coincidence go the same classes everyday share that emotion. I mean honestly they don't understand the reality of relationships. The concept that there are hard times as well as good. But look at me, ironically I fell into that nostalgic trap that engulfed every other peer of my class.
But then again, me being the all religious person, have had faith that the one up there, God, does everything for a purpose, that there isn't no coincidence. Everything was suppose to happen because it was meant to happen. Following that ideal I feel my philosophy fell because I lacked to reason the idea that no matter where, when or who, people will and can do things that will end up following their destined paths. Just as mine led to this unexpected love, I guess the possibility for other's to actually fall in love even in school is possible.
What drives me crazy until now though is the idea that I want to be with this guy for the longest and that there once was a light between us that lit so strongly but then that flame had extinguised. Now, I feel he has the same emotions as I do all based from his actions, character and way to communicate verbally and non-verbally to me. What can I say, I'm a very hopeful gal. I feel he might soon want to open up and tell me what I want to hear and on the other hand he will let me tell him how I feel. Either way, I have to be patient and hope that if that moment is meant to happen that it will happen soon. My heart is going crazy luckily my mind is rationalizing the necessity to be patient in order not to lose control.
If you ever have been in love you might understand this feeling, or the way you might have once or are thinking. But if you haven't, just you wait!
 Sereen_Abaddon · Sun Oct 22, 2006 @ 08:45am · 0 Comments |
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