I'm tired. It's not just me being sleepy. I physically ache from tension, stress, and just being exhausted. I'm mentally and emotionally drained and I don't know what to do about it. The last time I tried to get away and relax ended up adding to my plate.
I'm stressed over school and work. I'm in pain from carpal tunnel, headaches, muscle pain. I'm tired of relying on meds to keep me in some fake image of normal. I'm tired of being something I'm not. I'm drained from loving and giving and helping and taking care of people and not having anything left for me or having anyone do the same for me. I'm tired of being told one thing only to find out later that it isn't true. I'm tired of loving so hard it hurts only to have him sleep with my best friend. I'm done with being jealous. I don't like that side of me. I'm tired of thinking about car repairs and insurance and loans. I don't want to think of scholarships and tuition and budgets.
I'm tired of having people fall in love with me from afar, where it makes no difference. I'm tired of people being able to fall for the mind but they never try when they first see the body. I'm sick of being fat. I hate working out and trying to eat better. I don't like not looking pretty and failing in efforts to look nice. I'm sick of hand me down clothes and not having enough money for food at times. Poor is a sucky state of being. I hate the drama in my church. I don't like that people are idiots and can't get along with each other. I'm tired of feeling like a whore. I'm tired of wanting a person here to hold me.
Can I be done already? Can I put things on pause? Not deal with them? I'm sick of all this junk, messing with my life, my plans. It would be so easy to go back to the old me, but would it be worth it? It hurts so bad. I just want to lay down and sleep.
I'm done. Let's just ride life's wave and get it over with. I'll go back to being me. I'll listen, comfort, agree, and do all the things I have this last year. And what I want won't matter. I'll cut it down to size to fit what others need it to be. It'll be done.
GodsOwnDeathAngel · Sun Oct 22, 2006 @ 11:11pm · 1 Comments |