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Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh crazy fluctuating emotions. . .
exams are over, so why do i still feel stressed? argh. . . i need to get out. . . i need to run. like there's nothing, nothing but the wind and the ground, and i can just run, run, run away from everything forever. it feels good to run. but i can't. because i've got to turn around and fight sometime, i've got to stop and taste the cold, crisp air in my mouth, i've got to stop and face it all. i've got to stop and think, and face my irrational fits of anger and happiness, i can't just keep running forever.
i want to get away from this place. . . get away from everyone i've ever known, everything i've ever known, and start all over again. i want to forget. forget all the bad things in my life, forget all the bad words, and run away from it all.
why do i want to cry? i want to cry, but i don't know why. i won't cry. . . not today.
isn't life so fake? people always tell you to be yourself, and yet you look at them and realise, they're hiding things too. people tell you to be yourself, but they don't really want you to be yourself. they want you to be someone you made up so that they would like you.
people don't seem to realize that i'm not a very happy person. my closest friends do, but it scares them when i show it. . . that's odd, isn't it? i'm a very unhappy person, and my friends expect me to act like i'm happy, all the time. i'm not a happy person. i feel happy. but i'm not happy. because underneath all that 'happy' is someone who just pretends to be that so that people will like me and so they don't worry about me. funny, isn't it? the times that i am most 'in character,' people say it's 'unlike me' and get worried.
maybe i'll just shut up and keep to myself from now on. that way, there are less people. less people to expect stuff from me, less people i have to worry about, less people to worry about me. less people to hurt me. but i can't, because that's impossible. because i love people.
it's so tiring. smiling and laughing, just to realize it's all for nothing anyway.
i want to run away from it all.
kitsune_rei05 · Fri Feb 04, 2005 @ 12:43am · 0 Comments |
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