I feel horrible... I don't want things to be this way through us. I don't know if you would have prefered me to write this in a PM, but I thought I'd put it here. I know things are complicated right now, but I'm hoping we can work through it all. Getting together earlier is an excellent idea, but where, I'm not to sure. I'll get a job as soon as I can so I can get a ticket. Maybe Italy would be nice. I'm not sure how much hotels or motels cost there, but i can check it out. I just don't wan this to end, that's what I'm scared of. I'm scared that if something goes wrong that I'll go into a downhill spiral that I'll never be able to come out of. I'm trying to sort things out, and I'm hoping I'll be able to. I'll do everything I can for you and try to change everything, I want this to get better, to not put you through any pain again. I don't mean to hurt you. It seems that I always do that to the ones I'm the closest to.
I spoke to Eric about this. Even though I hate how he tries to get pity at times, talking to someone always helps and he usually listens. But today, I couldn't stand him. He was telling me I should either stay single for a while because I'm confused and most likely despirate, or I should go out with Kai and forget about you because she's here and you're so far away. I hate him for saying that.
I'd never be able to forget you. I want you, I don't want to let you go. I'd never be able to. I wish I could go back in time and fix all of this, but I know I can't. But if I could change everything, I would. I'd do anything for you, I'd die for you. I miss you right now, even though we talked not to long ago. I'm always thinking about you, missing you when you're gone. Everytime I think that there's a chance that I may lose you, I start to cry. I'm always crying. I'm scared, I'm not afraid to say that. I'm very scared. I'm scared that you'll leave, that you won''t love me anymore... that you'll hate me... It's my worst fear. Some say that man's worst fear is death, but it death doesn't scare me as much. I'd stare death in the face for you, I truely would. I love you and I never want to hurt you like I did again. I don't know if you can truely forgive me in your heart, but I really hope you can. You may say you do, but I know that you don't when it bothers you so much. I know I can't help how I feel, but I wish I could. I'm going to talk to her soon, about how I feel. I'm going to tell her everything. Maybe I can get everything sorted out. I hope I can get everything sorted out. She's always been able to help me in the past, so maybe she can help me now.
Well, I don't know if I have anything else to say. I don't know what I can say other than I love you. I hope you read this. I don't know if you check my journal anymore or not. BUt I hope you do. I love you Daniel. Please don't be mad at me for writing all of this here. I apologise if you didn't want others to know.
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My s**t
Just a place to let off some steam, or just to be crazy and weird. If the entry is short, it's either because I didn't have much to write or because I didn't have time, however, if it's long, I'm probably ranting about many different things.
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