It's been...absolutely forever since I've posted anything in here. Hell, it's been forever since I've even been here. Gaia, frankly, dissapointed me. But, in the meantime, I've let myself get distant from my school friends. Which is probably a stupid move on my part.
Admittedly, I've been kinda moaning and bitching that I didn't have any close school friends. But...it's because I've been cutting them off. I didn't have them because I didn't make an effort to try and get them back. I had them. And I let petty idiocy get in the way. And I regret that.
I think I really started to realize my mistake when one of my best friends ever sat down with me and said, "You've got to find someone in Avon you can connect to. I'm a senior. In a few months, I'll be gone."
And it hit me hard. She would be gone. And I'd have to live with it. I mean, it wasn't like she wouldn't be my friend. But I couldn't be attached anymore.
Lately, I've been miserable. Hating my body... Hating my attitude... Just, in general, hating myself. For things I've said, and done, and not done...
But I never had the initiative to get off my sorry a** and do something about it. To actually do something to look better, and feel better. To talk to people and get closer to them. To be nicer. I never did anything. And I hate it.
I whine about not having a relationship...but guys don't want to be with bitches. Especially bitches who won't do anything to take care of themselves.
And I've been falling for my other best friend. Falling like a rock in a canyon. But I haven't mustered up the courage to do anything about it. I had to the perfect chance to talk to her about it this weekend. And I didn't. I was too scared. Maybe that needs to change.
CelticRose12 · Thu Jan 18, 2007 @ 03:47am · 1 Comments |