I don't know what to do anymore. The one I was living for is most surely gone, and I did that to myself. gonk
I went balistic this evening. All out. Crying. Screaming. Crushing things. Playing with my knives, getting up the nerve to start cutting. Hopefully I hit a vein. To what point and purpose? I need a surer way to die. I won't do this anymore. I won't have the best thing, and then he shouts at me that I don't really care, I hurt him.
I drew him tonight. I was scribbling on it forever, getting his drumset right and everything. I can't bear to look at the picture anymore. I wish I could delete it, but I hold onto the hope its all gonna be ok.
Why should I try anyway.....what could I gain....I am not his type of girl. I'm not good enough. When heather learns that I set him backwards I can just hear her. 'I hate you' would be kind compared to what shes going to murder me with inside my heart. He should like her. At least then He could find someone who is not a social deffective who makes her own way in life.
WHat the hell am I saying....I want him for myself. I don't care if he hurt me. Make it all go away.
God I'm confused....and his running off early tonight didn't help much...
HimeNoTama Community Member 
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Community Member
It's not just you... Nobody cares. It's just that simple. I hate life... There's no meaning, no purpose in it. I could end my life now and be in complete paradise. No more of this nonsense... no more pain... No more waking up with an ache in my chest every morning because of past memories. No more hating every day when I put my head on my pillow. There's only one thing I have left to hold onto in life.
My grandfather isn't doing well. He recieved two more units of blood today via a blood transfusion. The doctors don't think he'll live through surgery...
One of my closer friends walked out of my life last night... She wants nothing to do with me. She's also taking some of my other friends with her...
I want to run away.
Never say goodbye.
I want to know the truth.
Instead of wondering why.
I want to know the answers.
No more lies.
I want to shut the door.
And open up my mind.