ever feel like your life is being pushed onto you. like you feel everything is turning inside out. maybe you told somone somthing and they took it the wrong way, they pittyed you and made you feel like you needed help when you didnt. they kept pushing there help onto you, and all it did was hurt. well thats how she felt. she a girl teold someone dear to her somthing she really never told anyone. and once she did it destroyed everything. it seemed as though he spent most of his time worring about her. all the time in the world was spent asking thing about it and never really careing about how her day was or what kind of things she liked. it seemed the "thing" was more important that her. and that seemed to rip right throught me. i felt as though i was a toy that he liked to tinker with and see how it worked. he was more facinated with what made it tick then what it was in the first place. it was a person who was opening up to him in hopes that he would love her even more. but that was not the case. the more time went by the more tention grew. he was changeing and the girl didnt know what to do but go along with his every request. she tryed to act normal but it was eating her up inside. everything about what they had was gone and somthing new and painful took its place. every day the girl feared to see him. she felt as thoguh she was not only controled by this thing but also the one she loved. she felt that she needed to tend to him. do anything he asked. she couldent leave his side or talk to others. if she got up he would come as well. she dare not be alone in a room with him. even when they where with friends it seemed that not only did he love the so called thing, but her body aswell. they couldent just sit and play games or watch TV. it was always physic. she was scared to be alone with him and dint want to. but if she where to be alone she did everything she was asked, not letting on how she really felt. she didnt want to hurt him at all. she wanted him to do as he pleased. then she found out thing that where wrong against her and agains everything she loved about him, he was doing things he shouldnt have and she didnt even know. a hate grew for him, she saw him more of a controlling adult then anything. he was no long a lover but more of an owner. she was tied down from love and everything else. it seemed that her fate was stuck. then when horseback rideing she fell. it seemed like the right time to end. doing somthing she loved. she would end it there and then. letting go of everything she fell to the ground smashing her head. it seemed that she lived but her memory of the boy seemed to be lost. people tryed to tell her about him but it seemed she wanted no part of it. then she met the boy and it seemed like he was hurt the most. he wanted to be near her and it seemed like he got almost angry when she didnt cling to him or touch him like she used to. well how could she, she didnt really know him anymore. so after some time she regained her memory, but she dare not tell the boy. she was scared that he would just return to his old way. but once again she was face with a problem. the boy seemed helpless with outer her. he seemed to stop going to school. he hardly talked. he was angry and hateful. she felt so bad because she remember who he used to be. his friends pleeded with erh to get back together with him. it pulled and her heart not to and untill she gave in she knew it would. after haveing a talk with him she returned to his arms in hopes that he would because the boy she once loved. that again was not the case. as she feared he returnd to the way he was. asking questions about the "thing" and back to the physic part of there love. it seemed she was traped. she tryed so meny times to end it all. her life and her love but nothing seemed to work. he didnt even believe her that she did truely remeber him. she just couldnt find love for him anymore. the girl was heart broken once again. her friend seeme to leave one by one from weekly meetings but more importantly the fear of the boy grew in her heart even more. finnily no matter what she told him the truth. that his friends asked her to go out with him once again to make him happy. he was angry and upset and yelled at his friend but that seemed to be the end of it. the girl though it was better then anything but once again he told her that he still wanted to be with her. he still loved her and that ment the wrold to him. the time they spent together was great and even if the hard times broke them apart he still loved her more then anything. but it seemed he didnt understand. she was scared. scared of returning to the life she fear. she fear him and his love. she didnt want it to happen again. not ever again. but she cryed for him and herself, she wanted to make him happy. and thats why she wrote this, so others could see thatwhat she went throught and so he would understand a little bit more about how she felt through it all.
Angel Dokuro-Chan · Sat Jan 27, 2007 @ 03:34am · 0 Comments |