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....yeah isn't it fun....? >< Not really, and yet I feel so....I'm not sure about the word...but maybe I should explain myself first now shouldn't I?
Well you see, once again my mother is being the biggest b***h in the Fing world, but whats really different about this? Well anywas the other day I asked for two simple things, some pencials and a new sweetshirt and guess what she does.....? Flips out what else! She starts going on about how she shouldn't ahve to still get me stuff since I'm 16 and turning 17 at the end of the month. Well for as long as I knew it was 18 when I child was no longer considered a child and was an adult and at that point didn't needed their parents, but apperantly the rules where changed and I didn't know it......well anyways I told her never mind then I would ask my dad, but she was again flipped out saying no she would get me the stuff, and I told her again she didn't have to and I went down stairs. Well I came back up to fill my water bottle and she gets on my case again, this time about how I don't ahve a job, which is an endless thing with us....it's quit lame it you ask me since she is the only one in my family that thinks I NEED to get a job. Everyone else wants me to get threw high school. So anyways I let her get to me again and ended up crying, which is so stupid, but anyways I tryed calling my dad, because I wanted to tlak to someone and have them tell me they loved me because at that point I was feeling un-loved (Not that un-commen when I fight with that b***h) Well anyways he wasn't home so I called my Meme in florida (Which is her mother) and talked to her for a while and stuff. Well as I was about to get off she came on even those I swear she was listening in on my conversation last night. She flipped out agian, but thats not new and such. Well I got off the phone with my Meme and I really hope she care it to my mother! >< She ahs no right to treat her daughter like that no matter, what age I am! Since I forever will be her daughter, well not in my mind, but I guess the worlds mind.
So anyways now today when I got out of school she started right in on me ranting about how I was acting like a 12 year old calling and whining to my Meme....-_-;;; That doens't even make any sence, but whatever floats her boat.....she also started in on the pencials and sweetshirt again and at that point I just didn't care and I told her to never mind, but no she brought me anyways....-_-;;; And once there she just started in on me in the store becuase I want a certain penicail that was alittle more expainsive and there was only two in the pack......WAHTS THE BIG FING DEAL!?!!?!?!?!?! IT'S A PENCIALS!! Of course with that statement you could turn in around on me, but don't even bother becuase I'm anul and need that certain pencial or I can't write...I'm just like that. Well thats not evne the worst of it! She told me right to my face she couldn't wait till I was gone! taht is not something you tell you kid!!! I don't care what the F is wrong with you! It's like telling your kid to die! And I told her I couldn't wait to be gone so I would ahe to deal with her and she said the same thing to me! And at that point I once again stupidly that it get to me and kinda yelled, 'Then would it make you feel better if I offed myself!? Becuase I can easily do it! I've tryed once!' And at that popint I walked away to wait for her, trying not to cry. I had the thought of just walking to any where jsut as long as I was away from her, but I didn't even if it would ahve showed her. I still don't know if she heard me or not about the killing myself thing, but at this point it doens't matter.
On the way home something hit me........ 'Why should I let her get the satafaction of putting me down? Why should she get me ahve the satafaction of know she was the reason I killed myself?' And at that point I was no longer up-set, just pissed, which I still am!!! I will NEVER think those thoughts agian, becuase of her! I will never give her that satafaction of knowing I'm depressed because of her! NEVER AGAIN!! I have to much to lvie for! I want to make soemthing of my life! I'm not going to listen when she laughs at me becuase I want to go to collage and make something of my life! I'm not going to listen to her when she tells me to get a job, becuase I know that there is no way in hell that I could do both! School is hard for me....I have an IEP, which she loves to forget about, but that means nothing! I will work my a** off to pass high school and I WILL find a way to get into collage with out her help! I'll get a scollership or something! I'm sure my Meme and Pepe would help me. Then when it comes time for my to graduat collage I'm not going to tell her! Once I move out I will never and I mean NEVER talk to her again! She will be out of my life and I will be out of her's just like she wants!
And I will never let her make me depressed again!I have no reason for it! Just becuase her life is hell, doesn't mean she gets to make me feel like nothing! I CAN'T WAIT TILL I'M OUT OF HER!! Once I'm 18 I'm gone! I'll still be in high school, but oh well. I'm moving to my fathers on my 18th brithday! And i think for my 18th birthday I'll ask for a laptop from my Meme and Pepe or have them give me the money....hell they might do it anyways! I mean I got $500 for the 16th. maybe I'll get more for my 18th and if it isn't like that then I'll figuer soemthing else......I'll need a computer if I'm going to be a writer! I need to write some how!^^
Oh that reminds me!! Today in English I saw this flyer for a magazine that the Pylmouth State Collage does and I was thinking of entering some of my work! Maybe it will help? Plus my English teacher said i should do it! So I'm going to go for it!!! I'm already enter my Caius story I wrote and I'm thinking of entering more, if I can!^^ Oh what to write!? Maybe something about Thayin and Balion? They said fiction, easseys, pomes, naratives and it also said taboo subjects were aloud! I'll have to think of something! Even if I have till March 31st! Better to get started early!^^
So to answer my own question at the top, I guess I'm feeling good! Isn't that odd? LOL!^^
Baku -- Bunny · Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 10:07pm · 1 Comments |
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