Yeah...today durring math something hit me...I have all these character...34 of them and ya know what....not a lot of them are used offen and when they are there isn't much behind them...there just...there.....I mean like most of the second genartion character I ahve....aka the children of my first character they don't ahve much of anything...I mean they have basic things, like character devlopment and their own personality, but that it's......my first genartion character have plots just for them and they are used a lot more and when they are it...I don't know....just different.....*sighs* Maybe I'm lossing it.......But lately I've felt like I need to do mroe with the children of my first genartion characters.....I would like to do plots for them....but its diffcult...at lest in my mind......Maybe I'm just stupid or soemthing.....I mean for quite a while I've wanted to do soemthing more with Coyote...Yes he probley has the most, devlopment then any of the second genartion characters, but I still don't feel like it's enough.....I mean compared to his mother....he's got nothing....It's just harder, becuase most of the fouces is always on the first genartion characters.....becuase...well...there the first and in a way like the main characters.....of course when you are RPing with someone else it's little hard to pcik who's the 'main' character is, so I'm not going to go there. I guess what I mean is like for my own character of the RP and such.....And another thing that proves diffcult, at lest to me is too try and make a plot for a second genartion character when that character interacts more with the person your RPing with second genartion character when there fouce is on their first genartion character.......Wait...does any of that make sence? (Of course this whole psot is kinda confussing since there is no paragre breaks.....-_-;; wink Or another thing that is diffcult is when you want to do something for a character in a RP that the person you RP with doesn't wish to do that RP....kinda hard......Another thing that is hard is even if I want to write things about them it's hard to write something when they interact with someone else character and you can't write that character well.......gaaaaahhhhh...It's all so diffacult......So I think my only soulution is to get over my self....*sighs* Or write first person things.....kinda like what I want to do with Saisuka........I really do want to do more with him.......there is just something about him......it's just pulling me....but I'm not quit there yet so I'm not sure what it is.......and I problem has arisen about it....Kiyo...the thing he clings to is gone...so there for Saisuka kinda falls into the back ground.......which some how ticks me off.....but there really isn't anything I could do about it.......
And this is what led me to think: 'Why do I create so many second genartion character when half the time they are never used to their full potantionly?'
And that is where I am now...and I REALLY don't know what to do.......*sighs* Maybe I should consider posting this on dA so I could actully get some addvice.........(And is it me or do I keep ussing big words today? O.o) Of course the problem with putting this on dA, is know one will really get what I'm saying....but only Mariku would really get what I'm saying...if he even can....I mean I've kinda confussed myself right now... crying I'm such a sad person....and I don't know what to do!!! And it's driving me crazy!!!!! There is something about Saisuka that is pulling at the back of my mind and it's going to drive me up the damn wall and isn't going to let me back down untill whatever it is has stopped pulling and whatever it wants me to do has been done!!! Oh my life is sad.....I'm such a slave to my writting and what not....
Which reminds me....I should try writting some more.....maybe work on some of teh things it said to do in the book...the only porblem is I don't really ahve a work space.....becuase the computer is everyones and I don't like hand writing,,,this is why I need a laptop.....or a type writer....yeah...a type writer.....I can be old fasion!!!! XD!! I think that right there is a sign that I should go to bed and think about all of this some more......I knew I should have talked to Mr. Kaiser some after school today....He might be able to help me......I mean I don't ahve many other people to ask...I would ask Mariku, but he always seems annoyed when I talk about my writting, so I'm trying to stop it.....
Oh and I need to make a note to myself that the world isn't really trying to beat me done, nore is anyone I know and I just need to stop taking evey thing so serious.....even if that's really hard for me...and I don't know why....but I don't want to explain it.....*sigh* I wish I knew how to describe the feels I get sometimes......I mean there is so much anger, hate, jelousy, resentment, more hate and anger...gaaahhhh..I wish I could make up my mind....I know I sometimes get the feel that everyone is using me as a scapegoat and when I feel like that I leash out.....I no longer wish to be insulted even if it's in a playful manner...It just really gets at me.....of course thats how the world is...everyone insults everyone....gaaaaahhhh...I'm asking for why to much...and I really wish I could explain it...but I can't......and I think I don't really want any one to know....becuase....I don't know...I'm jsut like that....I still don't want to make problems for other.......I'll never get over that.......*sighs* I thin kI should go to bed....this entry has jumped all over the place........stupid mind running around......How about you stick to wanting to write aboutt eh second genartion characters, ok!?!?!?! Becuase then Iwouldn't ahve to rip you out and beat you to nothingness!!!! *sigh* Good ngiht people.....
Baku -- Bunny · Thu Mar 15, 2007 @ 02:49am · 0 Comments |