Its not the homework load or tests, it's the people there. I have to be nice to the class pricks even as they put glue in my sketchbook or imitate me yawning LOUDLY just to piss me off, and the leadership program that the Gr.8 people (inc. me) have to take just teaches you how to sound like a total moron in real life. I feel like I'm going to knock out the headmaster if she tells me off one more time for re-dyeing my hair while this other girl hasn't had her won colour since grade 4.
Lately, my mind's been a total blank creatively. I make jewelery, and before this year I could just look at a gemstone or pendant and be able to deign at least 3 different pieces around it. Now I can;t even decide how long I want a necklace to be. In English, I have zero ability to write good stories or essays anymore. If someone gives me a suggestion, I take it without any slight modification at all. (Before I'd usually say that their suggestion sucked and I;d do something better anyways.) And in Art, my drawing skills seem to have vanished. Plus, in choir I've been messing up a lot on pieces that we've been practicing all year, and we have a big competition in Newfoundland this summer. Since I;m one of the loudest in the alto section, they kinda need me, but I keep screwing up on a bunch of songs.
Teachers(Except my English and Art ones, god bless 'em.)are totally over the freaking moon now that I don't daydream or draw in my workbooks or hum random songs in class anymore, but even though I;m not doing that anymore, my marks are steadily going down. My mom's been distracted with my older sister for most of the year, but she's gonna flip when she sees my end-of-year marks I;m sure.
Every damn day I feel lower and lower, but I have no clue how to get out of this spiral. I used to go do something I love, ie draw or sing, but now that I have no skills in those areas, I just wallow.
I'm at my wit's end here.
12-String Pony · Sun Apr 29, 2007 @ 01:00am · 0 Comments |