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Simpleton Log, date 6/2/08: It has been quite some time since I wrote in my journal, I write in it now due to the fact that I have not been able to sleep well in over a week. I know the cause of my recent insomnia problems, though I do not wish to go into them for fear of looking obsessed over....things. I will say this, it has nothing to do with sports or video games so get that crap out of your minds now. For the past week I believe it has been, sleep has come to me through trouble, now I seem to fall asleep as the sun is rising, a fact im not too keen on currently. I also have mt nervous tick in my eye back from stress, also something im not fond of, at least its not my leg muscle tick, that one really annoys the hell out of me. No matter what I've tried during this time, I can still not seem to fall asleep till on the verge of exhaustion every day, I seem to be awake 20 hours a day or so. The reason is worry I suppose. Every day my worry increases and my sleep patterns and stress levels fluxuate daily. Today I might finally fall asleep as soon as I finish this, or I might be awake for another 4 hours, who knows, all I know as that as I look at the clock right now it reads 2:10 in the morning and I feel like im not going to be asleep ever. Even in sleep though recently, I have found no rest. Dreams I can not remember make me unable to get true sleep. Dreams I can not remember that forced me awake one night in a sweat, yet even then I could not recall what I had just drempt. It has been like I did not want to remember, yet even my worst nightmares I can remember, so what makes these so terrible that I can not even remember them when they wake me up? I wake up tired with the only thing im my life currently to look forward to being working at my job. Recently it has been the only place where I have been able to collect my thoughts and try to reason things out. Maybe its because its cool where I work and where I am living its hot all day long due to it being summer now, or it could be that it is the one place where I need to put work in the forefront of my mind and take my mind off everything else. I wait for answers to my questions, and I find nothing yet. I hope when I do I will find inner peace again. 2:25 in the morning, and no end to my problems in sight yet. All I can hope for is for the answers to hit me like a diamond bullet, right inbetween the eyes. Thank you Marlon Brando for that one.
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