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I really don't want to have this journal anymore. I don't want people to read about how pathetic I am. I just don't want to go deleting them one by one, or even just make it private. I want to make it gone entirely. I know that almost no one reads this. That no one really takes enough interest in me to read it. But I want it gone. But I love the ones that take the time to read it.

I think I've come to an all time low. I lied today. I said I was healthy. And then later on I was searching for my diet pills because of something someone said online that made me feel that I was so awful I had to shrink myself down past size zero. I just felt so god damn ********... everything. I was arguing with some guy I don't give a ******** about who doesn't give a ******** about me over who sucked more after meeting my uncle and learning that my dad was dead and my mother had already left where she said she was and I couldn't stand it anymore. I had a good day and then I let myself think those things and turn it all to s**t like I always do. I'm going to delete this because I shouldn't be thinking this. This is the kind of stuff that daddy said not to do.

I cut myself today. It was all building up like it is now, and I couldn't find my pills, so I just took a razor and ran it across my wrists. Two small cuts, a few drops of blood and all the stress came out. I don't want to do it again. I was always so proud of never having to do that but I think I have to again.

Someone tell me how to delete this journal.