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Well….. That worked out just great, didn’t it?
********! I hate myself. First, it was John. He led me on, said he loved me, and then told Nik to tell me, he likes me as a friend. That instance forced me into an emotional breakdown. I learned that I can never put 100% trust into any person. Or at least I thought I learned. I then met Jack. I promised myself I would not date for the rest of high school due to too many issues, However, he changed my mind. Conversations filled with laughs and lust. He told me. “As soon as I step foot in DP, I’m yours.” And I believed it… Stupid me. He said that we would be together, but upon arrival, he found another. My friend, whom I introduced him to! I was so ******** pissed off…. Or at least I thought I was. This event sent me spiraling down into a state of depression, which lasted a week. Well, was noticeable to my friends for a week. Many things lately have caught my attention, and showed me that I really have no one. I am apparently not as close to those I thought loved me. “My 3 favorite people, Heather, Nicole, and Delana.” “I love my best friend Crystal!” “I’m sorry I love him more than you.” Those are just three quotes from my “friends” that hurt me. Maybe I am being a drama queen, but I can’t help the way I feel. I have tried that, believe me, it only works for the little things. I want to cry, the tears are there, but they won’t fall. Many teens feel this way, but I truly feel alone. Brad is who I feel closest too… or at least I did. Crystal is now in the picture. However, not much has changed between Brad and I.
I have put too much trust in all the wrong people. I am growing tired of being hurt. I am finding it hard to trust. It seems like there is no one I can talk to, no one who will listen. Which is why I am writing this. Maybe I am over-reacting, and the love is there. But I am not feeling it. I feel so alone. If this is how I feel I may as well be. I want out of here, I want to leave. At this point it doesn’t seem like it would matter to many, if at all. The sad thing is, I am sitting here, pouring my heart out, and I will probably only get 1 comment. Please help me… Anybody. Or my next letter may just be my suicide note.