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I'll never be good enough. I'll never be strong enough.
[Catori_Jhina] · Fri Feb 25, 2005 @ 02:17am · 0 Comments |
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I'm feeling a little better about myself today. I'm getting my hair done like Kara Saun's from Project Runway. She's so pretty, and a great designer. I wanna be like her someday. blaugh
[Catori_Jhina] · Mon Jan 31, 2005 @ 12:45am · 0 Comments |
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The headline pretty much says it. I feel like my life is on auto-pilot, like I'm only living for somebody else. I cried for no reason last night. I hated it. I almost did it then. If I do it, that means that I'm selfish, that I wasn't thinking of anybody else around me. What am I gonna do? I need help. I need someone to hold me as I fall into the darkness.... I need someone to save me from myself...
[Catori_Jhina] · Sun Jan 30, 2005 @ 06:06pm · 0 Comments |
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I really, really dislike (not hate) this girl named Kiki. The little hussie never has anything nice to say about me. Every second, she's whispering and pointing at me with all her other little hoochie, preppie friends scream ! You know what? This is my last year at Bay Haven, and I'm going to write this in the yearbooks of everybody I dislike: "I hope I never see you again. Smooches!" blaugh
[Catori_Jhina] · Wed Jan 12, 2005 @ 09:11pm · 1 Comments |
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It's Hurts to See You Smile... |
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It hurts to see you smile... Because I know that hiding behind that dazzling smile is a pain so horrible that you fight against taking your own life. Because I know that hiding behind that dazzling smile is a corrupted soul steeped in a deeper darkness than the midnight hour. It hurts to see you smile... Because soon you will beg me to take your life. "If you care about me as much as you say you do," you shout. "Then you won't hesitate to ease my pain!" And now, as I gaze upon your grave, a part of me is happy that I will never have to see that smile again. It hurts to see you smile...
*this is completely original! Don't you dare try to steal it!!! scream scream scream scream
[Catori_Jhina] · Tue Jan 04, 2005 @ 11:10pm · 0 Comments |
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Catch me as I fall. Say you're here, and it's all over now. Speaking to the utmost fear. No one's here and I fall into myself.
This truth drives me into madness. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away. ...If I will it all away!
Don't turn away... (Don't give into the pain) Don't try to hide... (Though they're screaming your name) Don't close your eyes... (God knows what lies behind them) Don't turn out the lights... (Never sleep, never die)
I'm frightened by what I see, and somehow I know there's much more to come. Immobilized my fear, soon to be blinded by tears. I can stop the pain if I will it all away. ...If I will it all away!
Don't turn away... (Don't give into the pain) Don't try to hide... (Though they're screaming your name) Don't close your eyes... (God knows what lies behind them) Don't turn out the lights... (Never sleep, never die)
Fallen angels at my feet, Whispered voices at my ear. Death before my eyes, right next to me I fear. She beckons me, shall I give in? Upon my end shall I begin? Forsaken all I've fallen for, I rise to meet the end...
[Catori_Jhina] · Wed Dec 29, 2004 @ 07:17am · 0 Comments |
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Love is blind, and it can take over your mind. What you think is love, is truly not. You need to elevate and find...
[Catori_Jhina] · Tue Dec 21, 2004 @ 04:24am · 0 Comments |
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POP QUIZ!!
Question 1: Who are you? Question 2: How did we meet? Question 3: What do you think of me? Question 4 (Only if you live in Panama City): Are you going to Ruthurford?
[Catori_Jhina] · Mon Dec 06, 2004 @ 10:19pm · 0 Comments |
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Why!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! |
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I don't want it to seem like I'm whining or nothin', but how come just about every girl I know has a boyfriend or guy friend or other? I'm not shy when it comes to boy. I can talk to them like I'm talkin' to my brothers, I just don't know why I'm shy in general. I've been with most of those kids since 4th, 5th, and 6th grade, and I still cannot get up the nerve to talk to them. Everytime I do try, I chicken out and retreat back into my little fantasy world that is my mind. Like at lunch, there are these girls who seriously get on my nerves, I wanna tell them to shut up or to cut it out, but every time I get the nerve, I stop. The same with this whiny little 6th grader who expects special treatment because her mother's a teacher.
I have no friends in that band class. Well, there's Cody, but he's more like a casual friend, somebody who only comes to me when he feels like messing with me or when there's no one else to mess. Then Ian, but I think he likes those little fast-tail hoochie-fi-hoochie mamas. Then, Caleb, who claims to have knocked down my brother in a football game, but I don't believe him, and he's not really my friend. Sure, Courtney may be in my 3rd and 4th period, but somehow, she's replaced me with this girl whose name I won't say because she probably comes to this site. Oh, heck, Angelea. And she doesn't talk to me sometimes. My godsister's only with me in 7th period, I barely see her in the halls. I also see her at church, but I have a limited time to talk to her. The same with PrincessLeena. I only see her in the halls and maybe outside in the pick-up area, but that's it. I even lost her phone number. I'm one of her best friends, right? I should know it by heart, but I've always sucked at memorizing. The preppies/intellectuals don't talk to me. Of course, Mary Margaret will sometimes cheer me on in basketball, but that's it. I think Samara hates me. Erin is okay. She's the best friend of my godsister. Same with Alex, and Shelby. Everybody else, I'm kinda on the fence with them.
You know who I really miss? Trevor. That boy may have been bizarre, but he was the most interesting person I have ever met. He wasn't afraid to act stupid in front of people and to be himself. This school needs more people like that, and not just the generic preppies and such. Jessica Anne pretty cool too. I some Bay Haveners are freaked that I just said that, but listen before you start judging me. I hate the way people mistreat her because she's different. Some boys even pinned a note to her back that said "I'm Gay." No matter how different they are, people don't deserve to be treated like that. She was lucky I was there to take that thing off her back. She still owes me.
Nick...gee, what to say. I had a conversation with him about the taste of alligator in 7th grade (and it tast pretty darn good), and then later on about something that happned to me in band. I've heard that he's a heartbreaker. Maybe I should just stay away from him then.
Evan...is so sweet. Even though he turned me down at the school dance crying .
[Catori_Jhina] · Fri Oct 15, 2004 @ 01:05am · 1 Comments |
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