About

Hello, my name is for me to know and you to guess. But if you must call me something, call me Rixa.



I am a fifteen year old girl, about five foot eight (last I checked), with dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. And my life is the most f*cked up thing you will ever see. Why you may ask, or no you think I'm lying...well if you've ever thought that you have the most screwed you love story, then you are wrong.



Do you have any idea how much it hurts to have your heart ripped out of you by someone who doesn't even know they did so? Do you know how much it hurts to have to see him every day and pray that you'll get it back when you know you won't?



Do you know how much it hurts to see him with another girl and to hear him say "Huh? Her? Oh no she's just a friend." Do you know how much it hurts to have to watch him walk away from you to go find someone to talk to when you were right there? Do you text him then sit there watching your phone praying that this time he'll respond?



Do you were new things just to try to get him to look at you? Do you change so much that when you look in the mirror you don't even know who that is looking back at you? Have you ever just stood there looking at what you've become and whisper to yourself I'll change back as soon as I can just get him to say something.



Do you always need someone to hold you so you won't fall apart? Do you look around to see that you are now and will always be alone? Do you have to wrap your arms around yourself just so you won't fall apart at the seams? Do you have to lie to yourself to try to be happy?



Do you have to put on a fake smile on your face so others won't worry. Have you left cuts so deep in your skin but have them fade away before anyone notices? Have you sat there at night doing nothing but holding yourself and crying yourself to sleep so quietly that no one can hear you? Do you lock yourself away form everyone then blast songs like Bleed it Out so no one can make out your screams?



Do you know how it feels to have to be a wall flower as your friends all dances with their loves, not because you can't dance but because no one will ask you? Do you not even go out any more to dances for fear that you might see him dancing with another girl in his arms?



Have you ever sat among all of your friends, friends you have known all your life, talking about their loves, hugging their loves, kissing their loves and wanting to kill them all? Friends who you care deeply about you want to watch die as you stand there and cry, but you know that you won't do it. You will just sit there plaster a fake smile on your face, a smile not one of them will look at really, looking hard enough at you to see that you're dead inside, for your eyes can never lie.



Can you listen to your raido? Then count yourself lucky. Music only makes it hurt worse. Every song they play seems to spite me. All of them seem to be love songs, or give false hope. Have you ever thrown a raido agaisnt a wall to make it stop only to hear the songs in your head?



Do you fall asleep wishing you'll never wake up? Do you leave your house just to go out in the rain? Do you stand in a empty lot crying so no one will notice or ask why your face is red?



Do you try to get him out of your life only to fail to see that he is too tangled in your life to forget him? Do you try not to think about it only to find that things have gotten worse? Do you try and try to find away out of the maze that he created so you can get back to your life before him? Has every attempt been destroyed for he finds away to show you why you love him?



If you never had any of this happen to you then can not compline, your life has not been destoryed as mine has for every question I have asked you has and is still happening to me, all because of one guy.



If you ever feel like your life is bad, come back and re-read my twisted fate, my neverending nightmare. Take my advice, read the next picture carefully and follow it's advice. I only wish I could...