Gender: Female
Birthday: 02/01
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If I could I would be there, I kept asking him at the bus station
to just ask me to stay... and I would have. But you guys were right
I had to come back to get things settled. I just wish that this s**t
was not happening. I am terrified of what could happen if I can't
get my kidney taken care of. I thought my back was the only thing
was was wrong but I feel like I am falling apart without you two.
I also have to figure out if I can get all this stuff transferred to a dr in
idaho so that I have the option to get my new kidney transfer done there
and I need to find a way to get my medical insurance coverage for over there.
I don't want You and justin to watch me die cause i dont have insurance over
there.
I been working my a** off on everything. I don't want to be here all alone.
transplant. I am doing all that I can.
You know ... before I went to Idaho I was having a horrible time
sleeping... Now? I look back at the way i was sleeping before I went over there
and I wish I was getting atleast that much. I can't be on the computer much because
I burst into tears, I can't pay any bills because I am always here with the nurse at the house.
I miss work, I miss friends, and I miss being home with you guys laughing and being
retarded.
Right about now, a bowl sounds perfect.
But you know I don't do that, I did a couple times but you know it's not me.
Now, I never celebrate holidays but... I have made a new years resolution, and that is to
some how get stronger. The only thing I can think about anymore is
my fear of dying. I don't want to die... I know I been saying this alot but
I don't think I have ever been this scared in my entire life.
I will send them out sometime next week.
trust me this is not easy on me.
I went to the dr's on friday and i got
alot of blood results back and my urinalysis
results too. The doctor had me fill out proper paper work for
a living will. Such as whether they should put me on life support
dialasys, stuff like that. They also want to put
me on the list for a new kidney. They found out that the reason
I was having those stomach problems
was because my kidneys are damaged. I was given a precription for it.
but i will not be able to get that till my mother or some one sends me the money for that.
I would have told you sooner, but i only just found all this s**t out on friday.
All the dr said to me was. "You either take care of your diabetes, or it
takes care of you." I don't want to die... I don't want this to kill me. I am so ******** scared.
It's like I am falling apart over here.
They have me in a wheel chair until my check up
in a week, then if I am making enough progress according
to them, I am aloud to start doing a little more.
When I was told that I was like WTF!? Thank God my insurance
covers all this and the at home nurse too. The nurse is nice I like her.
She talks to me now and then, but I miss curling up on the couch
watching movies or chillen with you and I miss goofing around
being retarded with Justin.
Computer hates me and my back hurts so bad.
I just wanted to say I love and miss you guys so much
and wish I was there. I hate this feeling of being
completely alone.
just sore as hell and tired all the time.
Glad you are getting used to the site.
Your avi looks good.
I miss and love you guys too!!!
XOXOXOXO
Keep warm and I love you.
I am going to get to sleep soon though, I am
pretty tired, and sore. Many hugs and kisses to you
and Justin.
I love you both
Hopefully everything it alright.