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 Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:55 pm
Ok this is something I tried to not make rhyme (much), I usually make stuff rhyme when doing this sorta stuff so this might not be too good, what do you think?
____________________________________
Flying like a bird out in the open,
Not a boundary or a wall blocking your way,
Looking down at all those creatures trapped on the ground,
You fly down to greet them and wish them the best,
Little did you know that choice you would soon regret,
The rain clouds gathered and droplets began to form,
Escape seemed impossible no matter how hard you tried,
The freedom taken away so easily right before your eyes,
To see the world from that view you remember,
To be forced down onto this merciless ground,
To be like all others yet having had that time,
To remember the freedom of the sky.
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Posted: Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:47 am
wow your poetry is really good ^^ *claps and applaudes harmony* i wish i was that good... english isn't my best subject though sad . oh well . keep up the good work ^^
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Posted: Fri Feb 20, 2009 8:53 pm
Thanks ^^
Oh and I asked my English teacher how it was, they thought it was good but they didn't like how I made it go from present tense to past tense (though I like it that way and it's just the way it ended up, like I said in the short stories thread I accidentally do this sometimes) and they think my lines are too long.
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Posted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:39 pm
This is quickly changing it so it's little more in the same tense throughout it and making the lines shorter.
____________________________________________________________
Flying like a bird
Out in the open,
Not a boundary or
A wall blocking your way,
Looking down at all those creatures
Trapped on the ground,
You fly down to greet them
And wish them the best
Little do you know
That choice you will soon regret,
The rain clouds gather
And droplets begin to form,
Escape seems impossible
No matter how hard you try
The freedom is taken away
So easily right before your eyes,
To see the world
From that view you remember,
To be forced down
Onto this merciless ground,
To be like all others
Yet having had that time,
To remember
The freedom of the sky.
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Posted: Tue Mar 24, 2009 2:26 am
I'll soon be working on a poem for class... Should it be rhyming not?
I was thinking maybe non-rhyme as the teacher who will be marking it seems to lean towards us moving away from the traditional rhyming. However I also don't want to have to think about all the techniques.
_____________________________________________________________
EDIT: Almost done now, not too many techniques in it as I just wrote what I thought up, it's non-rhyming and I'll post it here soon
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Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 6:04 am
Sloth to be
I hang from a tree
Where I feed on what I please
Though no meat do I eat
I taste many leaves.
I'd rather not move
From this spot where I am,
I move very slowly while
admiring my surroundings.
You call me a sloth
Giving me the sinful title;
Uncaring, unmotivated,
Who are you to tell me what I am?
What’s the point in rushing?
Moving ahead, not looking
Back to see the beauty
you leave behind,
I am still here
Hanging in this spot,
Seeing the leaves from
Green in the Spring to falling
In the Autumn, gently landing
On a crisp brown ground.
This world is forever
Changing, take a step back
And smell the roses before
They wither away
With your life.
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Posted: Thu Apr 02, 2009 5:47 am
I found a poem I wrote in year 8 about war and am posting it here, some of you may have seen it before, most wouldn't haven't
____________________________________________________________
I went out on that death filled ground,
I had to fight to stay alive,
Killing and killing the enemy,
They were just like me in the end,
With lifeless eyes,
That is where I had died,
My life had not mattered
To those in the war,
For I was just one of them
That had passed through the doors.
___________________________________________________________
Not too bad for a year 8 student aye?
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 11:13 am
Harmony-chan you are very talented!!! How did your teachers like it?
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Posted: Fri Apr 03, 2009 4:11 pm
I handed 'Sloth to be' in last Wednesday (since it was due then) and haven't got the result back yet, I'll tell you what they thought as soon as I get it back
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Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 6:48 am
Ok I got the results back... They didn't like how I started with rhyme in the first stanza then just dropped it which they thought was poor structure (it wasn't rhyming at first but I had to change it on the day since the piece of info I got there was wrong with insects), and they thought the poem was a little cliche... again and they said I didn't need to make the meaning so obvious and spell it out for the reader.. apart from all that they thought it was ok... and they disagreed with me about part of the meaning I said could be inferred in part of the poem.
Oh and with the picture we had to do with the poem I just drew a sloth in a tree, they didn't like it much, oh well.. I did do the picture and change the first stanza like... not long before class started.
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