Give the cure to the people that really need it. I don't consider myself one of them. I don't have anything particularly life-threatening. My instability on my medication makes me realize how gone I was without it. Is that dependance to you? I can live without my drugs. I can live without my treatment. Getting pierced helped me with a bout of SI. My cats help with the rest.

I don't care if I die young, I half expect it. My grandfather wasted his life beating his wife and children, drowning his obsessions and desires in alcohol and cigarettes, because of his bipolar and probable BPD.

People tell me I don't know anything about sorrow and suffering. Why? Because I was the one to make the conscious choice and request for therapy, in hopes I wouldn't succumb to the deathwish I held since I was 8? Because I decided that I wasn't going to turn out like my sister, who is wasting her talents and beauty on alcohol and pot? We have four cats, two dogs and growing citrus and water gardens. I want a german shepherd. A white one. Why? I want an escape. I want to be able to run away without running away.

I have learned from my illnesses. I AM wasting my life, searching for something without the slightest idea how to do it. Watching others succeed. But at least I can see what's going on. I was granted with the "writer's ability" to be able to retract from my body and "see" what's going on. It's how I realized I needed help. And it's what allowed me to keep going.