A Twisted Fairy Tale
By Anna Slaughter
Characters:
Narrator
Prince Charming
Princess Pookie
“Cinderella” Princess
“Sleeping Beauty” Princess
Princess of Darkness
Act 1 – Introduction
Scene 1
Narrator – This is Prince Charming. ((Prince Charming stands with hands on hips in
super hero pose wearing a cape, crown, and dazzling smile. Fan blows cape.))
He’s going to be King in a few days. ((Prince Charming smiles wider)) There’s
only one problem: ((Prince Charming’s hands drop to his side and looks at the
camera questioningly. Fan stops blowing)) he needs to marry a princess before
his coronation, or else his sister takes the throne!
((Camera swirls to Princess Pookie, who is standing there looking innocent except for the butcher knife in her hand))
Princess Pookie – Aren’t I adorable? ((expression changes to evil, and she starts walking
towards camera angrily)) TELL ME I’M ADORABLE!!!
((Camera returns to Prince Charming, who is A) picking his nose, B) totally zoned out, or
C) Looking terrified))
Narrator – What are you doing? Don’t just stand there like a bump on a log! Go get
hitched!
((There is a moment’s delay before Prince Charming responds))
Prince Charming – I gotta go get me a wife! But first—
Act 2 – Attempt 1
Scene 1
((a flushing sounds comes from behind a closed door. Prince Charming comes out.))
Prince Charming – Ah! Much better! ((resumes super-hero pose, and fan begins to
blow)) Come loyal steed! ((A broom is thrown from off-camera, and he catches it. (sound effects from keyboard?))) Away I go! ((gallops off))
Narrator – Tip number 1: If the shoe fits, get hitched.
Scene 2
((Prince gallops over to “Cinderella” Princess, who is sitting down on a stool, dusting with a feather duster, and he bows on one knee in front of her.))
Cinderella – What are you doing? I just mopped that floor!
Prince Charming – Milady! I have traveled over many lands for many days, searching for
my one true love! This shoe will show who that shall be! For no other maiden
has been able to fit this shoe on to their foot comfortably. Perhaps you might be
the one for whom I have been questing? ((takes her foot as though about to put
the shoe on her. She sprays him with a spray bottle and pulls her foot away))
Cinderella – ((in somewhat of a southern accent)) What in tarnation are you doing? Don’t
you know that one of those other girls might have had athlete’s foot?
Prince Charming – ((sputters, looking for the right words))
Cinderella – Get out of my sight, you filthy pig! ((Prince Charming gets up and leaves
with his “steed.” As he leaves, she sprays water at him and says: )) And take a
shower!
Act 3 – Attempt 2
Scene 1
Narrator – So he did just that. ((Prince Charming exits bathroom, drying hair with a
towel)) Tip number two: Kiss the sleeping princess. She will awaken from her
accursed slumber, and the two of you shall ride off into the sunset. ((Prince
Charming smiles, resumes superhero pose as fan blows. He picks up his broom
from against the wall and rides off.))
Scene 2
((Prince Charming goes up to Sleeping Princess. He checks his own breath, gives the
camera a thumbs-up, and leans to kiss her. She wakes up, angry and pushes him
away.))
Sleeping Beauty – What the * beep * ((this represents the censored sound, which might
be made using a keyboard or other device.)) are you doin’?
Prince Charming – I just – I just thought –
Sleeping beauty – What? That you can go around kissing random girls just cuz you’s a
*beep beep * Prince? Get the *beep * outta here before I taze yo * beep! * ((Prince Charming runs away, out the door.))
Act 4 – Finally
Scene 1
((Once he is out, the door is slammed. Prince Charming walks away, dejected. The door
reopens, and a glimmer of hope shows in his expression.))
Sleeping Beauty – And take you *beep * broom! ((Broom flies out at him and he catches
it.))
Scene 2
Narrator – Our Prince Charming walked away sadly. He opened his handbook.
Prince Charming – ((opens handbook)) Tip number three: Give up. ((sighs. Off-camer,
chanting can be heard.)) What the -- ((stands up))
((Camera swings to see Gothic chick dancing around chanting. Prince Charming enters
frame and hides behind something to watch.))
Goth Chick – I, the Princess Of Darkness, call to you, o spirits! Answer to you Mistress!
Narrator – Now, Now! Don’t do anything rash! It’s not a good idea! When have I let
you down?
Prince Charming – (( waves hand dismissingly)) Screw you! I’m getting me a woman!
((Runs over to Goth Chick)) Did you just say that you are a princess?
Goth Chick – Yeah… One that needs a human sacrifice. Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be
a virgin?
Prince Charming – No! – I mean – Yeah, wait –I mean – Will you marry me?
Princess of Darkness – ((shrugs)) Sure. Why Not? ((they walk away hand-in-hand.
Act 5 – Denouement
Scene 1
Narrator – So Prince Charming was married to his princess. ((Shows the two sitting close,
as though about to kiss)) She got her sacrifice. ((Shows Princess Pookie tied up
and struggling, and new Queen standing over her with a knife.)) And they lived happily ever after as King and Queen. ((camera closes out))
Scene 2
((camera opens again to show Queen.))
Queen – That’s what you think!
((camera closes out))
