Private RP Thread: Alternate Universe Final Fantasy 9

[Anryoku]

Vivi nodded to the knight in agreement.

"I'm starting to think that s/he may have an eating disorder. We should take him/her to a dietary specialist once we've located Zidane."

The still mute princess nodded excitedly at the mention of her "boy toy".  

[Bizzaro Mikey]

Gollum burst into the room singing, "... Oh how I wish, to catch a fish! So juuuuuuuicy sweeeeet!"

He nodded at Kuja, "We're sorry we're late. Yeeesss we are, precious!"

He latched onto Kuja's silky smooth leg and rubbed it, "The precious is ours."

Itachi stared angrily.  

[Anryoku]

Knifey stared in horror. The nasty looking gangle creature was foaming at the mouth. She slowly, as not to draw attention to herself, creeped behind Steiner, putting him between her and Gollum.

Vivi suddenly cried out in delight, "I know you! You're... you're..." he broke down crying in delight.  

[Bizzaro Mikey]

Gollum nodded, unlatching himself from Kuja and reaching for a zipper on top of his head. In a very Pepsi-commercialesque fashion he unzipped his skin.

Out stepped Sarah.


bow chica wow wow  

[Anryoku]

Vivi hurled himself at the sexy lady and attached himself to her left breast (which we might add was very supple).

"I love you!" he cried, "I thought I'd never see you again!" Vivi launched into a really excessively long back story in broken sobs. We'll just sum up the important parts:
exclaim Vivi was actually a boy named Joseph once, who lived on Earth with his Sarah. They were happy together.
exclaim Then he went off to the war and somehow in all of the eBil warness he got teleported to Gaia, where he suddenly found himself without skin and with amnesia.
exclaim Being skinless and gross he dressed himself in a blue coat and pointy hat. He thus became a black mage!
exclaim He called himself Vivi because in the little fragments of memory he still had he only remembered that he was supposed to know Spanish and that he loved Sarah. Vivi sounded kind of Spanish to him.

OOC: Real life Sarah, "why my left breast?"  

[Bizzaro Mikey]

Sarah embraced the skinless mage/watermelon and began snogging him passionately.

Itachi whined, "Now who's being gross?"  

[GamerdaGreat]

Luckily for Itachi, there was a sudden loud crash, which interupted the moment, drawing everyone's attention away from the snogging long lost lovers who were beginning to do things that we cannot post about because Gaia is PG-13.

In the doorway appeared Fluffy (the role of Sesshomeru shall henceforth be played by Fluffy).

"Kuja!" he declared, "I am here to challenge you! Our armies shall fight tomorrow at dawn to determine which of us is more badass! Do you accept my challenge?"  

[Anryoku]

Kuja bared his teeth to the demon, "Yes, I accept. At dawn our armies shall wage war in Gondor! South of Mount Doom sound okay?"  

[GamerdaGreat]

Fluffy shrugged, "Okay... as long as those nasty Ring Wraiths don't come. They're so annoying! Always screaming and giving me massive headaches..." he muttered under his breath.  

[Anryoku]

Kuja nodded, "Yeah, that's cool. I don't really like them either to be honest. We just hang out because Itachi likes to ride on their flying dinosaur things for kicks. Oh the pains I go through to make him happy."

Kuja patted Itachi on the head.

Vivi and Sarah had meanwhile snuck off, leaving Knifey, Steiner, and Quina standing in awe of the strange revelations this evil slumber party had brought about.  

[GamerdaGreat]

Fluffy retreated to plan his battle strategies and do his hair.

Frodo and Legolas were both looking very pissed off. "Why do you always have to have your war parties in Middle Earth?!" questioned Frodo, anger dripping from his words, "It makes such a mess! GOD DAMN! I don't want to be your friend anymore Kuja!"

Legolas looked at Kuja with mist in his eyes and said something profound and slightly unimportant. Then the two of them stormed off. Legolas peeked back into the room and glared at Kuja one last time, "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" he declared and was gone.  

[Anryoku]

Kuja turned to the remaining few in the room, "AT DAWN WE RIDE TO GONDOR!"

He walked to the doorway and then turned around, hand on his chin as in he had forgotten something and was pondering what he had forgotten. "Oh yes!" he declared remembering, "Lock up those guys before we rally war. I don't want them getting in the way." He pointed at Vivi/Joseph, Quina, Steiner, and Knifey. Sarah had managed to hide behind Itachi's large billowing cloak of homosexuality.

The Chobits bound their wrists and ankles with lightning speed and tossed them into cells. Vivi and Knifey got to share a cell that smelled like poop and had hay on the floor. Steiner was stuck with Quina in a very very small cell. Needless to say the party was quite unhappy.  

[GamerdaGreat]

Fluffy was meanwhile in Feudal Japan with Rin, planning the mighty war strategy. Fluffy was sitting on a rock pouting, "I'd win for sure if my sword didn't suck and heal people so much. Poopie!"

Rin stuck her tongue out at him, "I have an idea Lord Fluffy! We shall call up NERV and order 500,000 copies of Rei Ayanami!"

Fluffy grinned, "And then they can steal Inu Yasha's sword, and then I can use it to kick Kuja's pansy a**!"

Rin cocked an eyebrow, "I was thinking you could use the 500,000 copies to kick..." she trailed off as her master was frolicing happily towards a randomly placed phone booth.

OOC: And he's going to call Collect too, that a*****e!  

[Anryoku]

Knifey sat in the poopy cell and stared at the slimy walls, shuddering silently because she was still mute.

Vivi stared at her, "Erm... Knifey... you're supposed to be able to talk again..."

She glared at him, and the mage backed as far away from her as humanly possible in the small poopy slimy cell.

"I'm-m s-sorry Knifey," he stammered, thinking to himself, "Meeps! Menstral women are SCARY!"  

[Bizzaro Mikey]

Quina stared at the knight before him/her with much hunger. His/her stomach was already bloated with the fullness of Sasuke, and Charizard... and a few other random meaningless people s/he had somehow consumed when we all weren't paying enough attention.

S/he licked his/her lips and approached Steiner slowly with lustful hunger in his/her eyes.