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 Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 5:03 pm
We've all come across the situation where we've had genuinely good intentions for someone, yet they throw it back in our faces because they weren't willing to listen what we had to say. I'm not going to describe any specific situation because of how common it is, but it's because of how common it is that I want to see how the lot of you would respond to something like this.
I have always chosen my words carefully because a. I don't like to repeat myself and b. I try to convey it as clearly as possible. Broad-stroke insults, as one may have noticed, are generally free from most of what I have to say because I have no reason to insult. Other than that, I express everything with a "personally" or "in my opinion" or thrown in an "I/my/me" somehow, just to really get down the idea that it's due to individual thought.
But still, again, with words on a screen and a monotone voice, it's very difficult to tell if I'm trying to advise or play condescending. And I can understand this, so I try to clear it up. Only problem is, people are so touchy sometimes and get so defensive when they don't have to be, that the issue whirls itself around so that I look like I'm trying to victimize someone yet again. So, in an event given like this one, how would you handle things like that?
Or would you be like me and not touch it at all, if the problem persists?
(Note: I would have placed this in the Helping and Asking for Help subforum but since it does not really fit the criteria of "needing help", I placed it here instead. I hope that's correct?)
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Posted: Tue Jul 07, 2009 9:20 pm
Personally, I always try to resolve situations like this. I feel an overwhealming sense of guilt when a situation such as this arises, that and I feel extremely frustrated, as I hate it when my words are mistaken to have one meaning, when, in fact, they have an entirely different meaning.
The best thing to do is apologise and explain what happend, but that doesn't always work out either.
For example, I met a very nice Canadian girl while playing Wonderland Online some months back. We became good friends, as good as an internet friendship allows, and even exchanged Facebook details. Then one day, we were questing in game, and a person, just out of the blue, and not directly trying to insult anyone, typed a racial slur. She completely lost her temper and started flaming the culprit in shout chat. Everything went silent for a moment. When she came back she asked me why I didn't help her (unbeknownst to me at the time, she was being verbally assaulted in whisper chat) When I told her I had no Idea, she said I could have done something anyway. Not really knowing what to say, I simply replied "it wasn't my fight" Then, she TOTALLY lost it.
She accused me of being a racist (an accusation which I resent with every fiber of my being) and cut off contact. I contacted her through Facebook and explained in detail what I meant, and that I was not a racist. She refuses to speak to me to this day. So to conclude this, rather lengthy, parable the lesson is that when a miscommunication occurs you can only TRY and fix it, but usually the damage is irreparable. That has been my experience at least.
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Omnipotent Uncertainties Captain
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Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:48 pm
Miscommunication is so much fun. The thing that tends to piss people off about me is my sarcasm and how it doesn't usually come across as sarcasm through text. I really wish that there was some universal sign of the statement being sarcasm online, but then that just takes the fun out of being a sarcastic person doesn't it?
Personally when a miscommunication (or whatever you want to call it) such as Omnipotent Uncertainties occurs I tend to just turn into more of a callous d**k than I am and tell them to get over themselves and take things so seriously especially since it's the internet and well, nothing should be taken seriously, at least not in forums or games.
I like to think I've got what I call a "humourdor" or a "sense of humor" and a good one at that, I find just about anything funny and can make fun of almost anything and frankly I do, though it often gets me in trouble and pisses off everyone around me, so miscommunication to me is usually just another thing to turn into a joke and make fun of people about. Something like Omnipotent's situation where she got upset over a racial slur, to me, is ridiculous beyond reason especially if she raged on the person. Asking someone to kindly be more aware of what they're saying in response to racial slurs is reasonable, but raging, frankly, isn't and I would have told her such, but you aren't me and what you said is probably better than anything I most likely would have said in that situation.
My thoughts are scrambled in this post so I apologize for that now before anyone points out my rambling and mostly off topic post.
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 7:08 pm
"The greatest harm can result from the best intentions." (I'll give a virtual ice cream cone to anyone who happens to know what this quote is from.) Misunderstandings are bound to happen. More so if you try to act in one's "best interests." As for the textual-monotone effect, I attempt to nullify it with action/emotion phrases within asterisks. It works for me *Smiles* *Blinks* *Re-reads* Huh. Apparently I tend to write in a "stream of consciousness" format. Odd....
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 12:41 am
Kismet Hitsuzen " The greatest harm can result from the best intentions." (I'll give a virtual ice cream cone to anyone who happens to know what this quote is from.) Misunderstandings are bound to happen. More so if you try to act in one's "best interests." As for the textual-monotone effect, I attempt to nullify it with action/emotion phrases within asterisks. It works for me *Smiles* *Blinks* *Re-reads* Huh. Apparently I tend to write in a "stream of consciousness" format. Odd.... I may be completely wrong, but I think I may have read that in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. My mom is deaf, so we have frequent misunderstandings. The best thing you can do is appologize and try to explain what happened. If they don't want to listen it's their fault, not yours. It would be useless to keep trying to appease them after that because it would only serve to convince them further that they are right, and you really did do something wrong.
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Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2009 5:54 am
anafeara Kismet Hitsuzen " The greatest harm can result from the best intentions." (I'll give a virtual ice cream cone to anyone who happens to know what this quote is from.) I may be completely wrong, but I think I may have read that in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. Yay; you got it! Here you go:  The Sword of Truth series is really fun. Also; it's very difficult to misunderstand ice cream.
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Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2009 7:01 pm
Kismet Hitsuzen anafeara Kismet Hitsuzen " The greatest harm can result from the best intentions." (I'll give a virtual ice cream cone to anyone who happens to know what this quote is from.) I may be completely wrong, but I think I may have read that in Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series. Yay; you got it! Here you go: The Sword of Truth series is really fun. Also; it's very difficult to misunderstand ice cream. And I thought it was a bunch of hats. stressed
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